In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other peole think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?
The debate over whether
the
living longer elderly Correct article usage
apply
bring
benefits or troubles to Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
the
society continues to receive the public's attention over Correct article usage
apply
the
time. Correct article usage
apply
To
my belief, Change preposition
In
ageing
generation does contribute their experiences and knowledge from their times that the current young generation has not had the chance to live Correct article usage
the ageing
in to
the country's development. Yet, if the Join the words
into
number
of casual elderly people
was way too high for a nation to handle their healthcare
need
and other means, it would be too harsh for the economy to find its way to improve.
Speaking of the elderly in Fix the agreement mistake
needs
a
society, their wisdom must have come first in Remove the article
apply
people
's minds. Their broad knowledge and deep experiences across all fields in life help the younger generation to navigate through similar hardships that they are likely to encounter in their later path. For that reason, professors in their late 60
to even Correct your spelling
60s
90
teaching in universities in Japan are reported to be inspiritual and to have opened many young students' eyes Correct your spelling
90s
attending
their classes in comparison to those Change preposition
to attending
at
their average 30s and 40s.
Change preposition
in
Nevertheless
, given that the number
of the
seniors in a nation reaches its peak and even surpasses the Correct article usage
apply
number
working ages
Correct your spelling
of working-age
people
, the nation must be in danger in terms of economy
and Correct article usage
the economy
healthcare
system crisis. Less
and Correct quantifier usage
Fewer
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
people
that
can work in Correct pronoun usage
who
physical-demanded
industries are the main cause of Correct your spelling
physically-demanded
recent
poor contribution Correct article usage
the recent
the
sector despite the temporary solution of depending on the Change preposition
to the
imigrated
Correct your spelling
immigrant
workforces
employed overseas. Fix the agreement mistake
workforce
Also
, tax payer
sources are in a downward trend but the increasing need Correct your spelling
taxpayer
of
tax distribution to areas Change preposition
for
such
as healthcare
does create economical
burdens on the governments. For that reason, free Replace the word
economic
healthcare
in developed countries such
as Canada or Australia has been impacted negatively and have
always seen a shortage of Correct subject-verb agreement
has
labours
.
In conclusion, the seniors have been contributing endlessly to Correct your spelling
labourers
the
society not only in their own times but Correct article usage
apply
also
in their later phases in life which is much appreciated and should never be deniable. However
, provided the number
of this
part of the population is swalowing
the others Correct your spelling
swallowing
in
a great scale, I am sorry to say that the advantages of having too many of them may not overshadow the drawbacks Change preposition
on
such
as economical
burdens and Replace the word
economic
healthcare
poverty.Submitted by camcat.viking on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents the topic and your viewpoint. Provide a clear thesis statement.
coherence cohesion
Develop a more logical structure by organizing your ideas into clear paragraphs with topic sentences. Use connecting words to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Expand on main points with specific examples, ensuring you clearly explain how these support your argument.
task achievement
Address the task fully by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages equally. You should also offer a more measured final opinion that directly answers the essay question.
task achievement
Improve clarity by fully explaining and developing your ideas and viewpoints. Avoid making sweeping generalizations without adequate support.
task achievement
Include a wider range of relevant examples to substantiate your claims, rather than relying on broad or hypothetical statements.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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