most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festivals, during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves.
It is undeniable that
due to
the development of society, cultural festivals
are becoming forgotable
. Correct your spelling
forgettable
Additionally
, most of
Change preposition
apply
people
just enjoy themselves during celebration periods. Although
I also
want to have fun during festivals
, I extremely disagree that people
have forgotten their origins.
Initially
, festivals
become one of the most memorable time
that Fix the agreement mistake
times
make
citizens Change the verb form
makes
expected
. In Asian countries, Wrong verb form
expect
Tet
holiday is a realistic example Correct article usage
the Tet
for
a festival period when Change preposition
of
people
are likely to go shopping, buy new decorations to set up their houses, and even give some lucky money for
their family members. Similar behaviour Change preposition
to
also
occurs in non-religious behaviour such
as Bonfire Night. People
ten
to watch Correct your spelling
tend
fire works
displays and perhaps Correct your spelling
fireworks
going
to events in local parks. Wrong verb form
go
Therefore
, most people
only look forward to the
enjoyment rather than a time to practice Correct article usage
apply
religions
. Fix the agreement mistake
religion
In other words
, it can make both religious and non-religious become similar.
On the opposite side, enhanced knowledge about the origin of festivals
can make it
Verb problem
be
preserve
. Wrong verb form
preserved
Furthermore
, despite enjoying traditional holidays without knowing their cultural background, citizen
can Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
connet
them together. Correct your spelling
connect
Thereafter
, they not just only entertain people
, but also
help them to gain more knowledge to reach widened
experience. Correct article usage
a widened
As a result
, passing knowledge of religious festivals
deeper
significant to the next generation. Let's take Christmas as an example, if children can Rephrase
is deeply
be learned
about the story of Wrong verb form
learn
Jesus'birth
, they will have a Correct your spelling
Jesus
change
to generally learn stories behind these occasions at Correct your spelling
chance
the
early age.
In conclusion, Correct article usage
an
while
have entertained religious holidays enjoyably. I believe that they are still aware of the reasons for these celebrations.Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay could benefit from a clearer organization. Try to structure your essay with more distinct paragraphs for each main point and ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence.
task achievement
You should focus on enhancing the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas. Consider expanding on your points with more detailed explanations and examples.
task achievement
Pay attention to some grammatical errors and awkward phrases that could distract the reader from your main points.
task achievement
You have provided relevant examples to support your points, such as Tet holiday and Bonfire Night.
coherence cohesion
You successfully included an introduction and a conclusion, which frame your essay well.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?