most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festivals, during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves.

#people #festivals #periods

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It is undeniable that

due to

Linking Words

the development of society, cultural

festivals

Use synonyms

are becoming

forgotable

Correct your spelling

forgettable

Additionally

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, most

Change preposition

apply

show examples

people

Use synonyms

just enjoy themselves during celebration periods.

Although

Linking Words

also

Linking Words

want to have fun during

festivals

Use synonyms

, I extremely disagree that

people

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have forgotten their origins.

Initially

Linking Words

festivals

Use synonyms

become one of the most memorable

time

Fix the agreement mistake

times

show examples

that

make

Change the verb form

makes

show examples

citizens

expected

Wrong verb form

expect

show examples

. In Asian countries,

Tet

Correct article usage

the Tet

show examples

holiday is a realistic example

for

Change preposition

show examples

a festival period when

people

Use synonyms

are likely to go shopping, buy new decorations to set up their houses, and even give some lucky money

for

Change preposition

show examples

their family members. Similar behaviour

also

Linking Words

occurs in non-religious behaviour

such

Linking Words

as Bonfire Night.

People

Use synonyms

ten

Correct your spelling

tend

show examples

to watch

fire works

Correct your spelling

fireworks

show examples

displays and perhaps

going

Wrong verb form

show examples

to events in local parks.

Therefore

Linking Words

, most

people

Use synonyms

only look forward to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

enjoyment rather than a time to practice

religions

Fix the agreement mistake

religion

show examples

In other words

Linking Words

, it can make both religious and non-religious become similar. On the opposite side, enhanced knowledge about the origin of

festivals

Use synonyms

can

make it

Verb problem

show examples

preserve

Wrong verb form

preserved

show examples

Furthermore

Linking Words

, despite enjoying traditional holidays without knowing their cultural background,

citizen

Fix the agreement mistake

citizens

show examples

can

connet

Correct your spelling

connect

them together.

Thereafter

Linking Words

, they not just only entertain

people

Use synonyms

, but

also

Linking Words

help them to gain more knowledge to reach

widened

Correct article usage

a widened

show examples

experience.

As a result

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, passing knowledge of religious

festivals

Use synonyms

deeper

Rephrase

is deeply

show examples

significant to the next generation. Let's take Christmas as an example, if children can

be learned

Wrong verb form

learn

show examples

about the story of

Jesus'birth

Correct your spelling

Jesus

, they will have a

change

Correct your spelling

chance

show examples

to generally learn stories behind these occasions at

the

Correct article usage

show examples

early age. In conclusion,

while

Linking Words

have entertained religious holidays enjoyably. I believe that they are still aware of the reasons for these celebrations.

Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on Thu May 30 2024

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coherence cohesion

Your essay could benefit from a clearer organization. Try to structure your essay with more distinct paragraphs for each main point and ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence.

task achievement

You should focus on enhancing the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas. Consider expanding on your points with more detailed explanations and examples.

task achievement

Pay attention to some grammatical errors and awkward phrases that could distract the reader from your main points.

task achievement

You have provided relevant examples to support your points, such as Tet holiday and Bonfire Night.

coherence cohesion

You successfully included an introduction and a conclusion, which frame your essay well.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
23
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

264 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Commercialization
Globalization
Cultural dilution
Traditional values
Secularization
Festivity
Heritage
Individualism vs. collectivism
Consumer culture
Intangible cultural heritage

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most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festivals, during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves.

Your opinion

Write a letter to a friend asking for a recipe from his/her country for the party you are organizing. In your letter – Tell your friend about the party – Ask for the recipe – Explain why you need the recipe from his/her country.

Most people prefer shopping in supermarkets nowadays. How does this affect the local shops? What are the positive and negative impacts of this development?

Some people argue that governments should spend more money on developing bullet and metro rail facilities, while others support the idea of spending money on upgrading current public transport system. discuss both views and give your opinion

An increasing number of professional, such as doctors an teachers, are leaving their own poorer countries to work in develop countries. What problems does this cause? what can be done to deal with this situation?