IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations.

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There has been a global anticipation for people’s
age
Use synonyms
 to increase.
This
Linking Words
 may pose a challenge for individuals and the population as a whole,
hence
Linking Words
 several solutions must be provided to lower the effects of the ageing society. There are several problems that may occur for
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 elderly.
As an
Change preposition
An
show examples
 individual,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
could struggle to find a job
due to
Linking Words
 the existence of an
age
Use synonyms
 restriction for a working employee based on a company’s policy.
Thus
Linking Words
 they would have to ask their kids or someone they know for money. Dealing with loneliness may be an emotionally challenging task to do as well because as they
age
Use synonyms
, they might have experienced the passing of their friends and family members.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, they have to face technological advancements, which can seem out of the ordinary for them.
For instance
Linking Words
, they could get confused and unaware of phone updates, hindering them
to use
Change preposition
from using
show examples
 their electronic device functionally for a call or a text. Another example would be adapting to the machines replacing human jobs seen in restaurants or grocery stores as cashiers.
However
Linking Words
, we can deal with those struggles by providing them
a
Add the preposition
with a
show examples
job
that is
Linking Words
 not physically demanding or opening up a job field that allows them to continue working without restricting them
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 an
age
Use synonyms
 limit. We can
also
Linking Words
 provide them with facilities
that
Linking Words
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 better catered to them,
such
Linking Words
 as a nursing home, or implement elderly-friendly services so they are able to deal with grief and help them search for coping mechanisms. Other than that, we can provide them
a
Add the preposition
with a
show examples
weekly educational session surrounding technology so they can gain more knowledge and adapt to the current world condition. In conclusion, an ageing population may struggle financially, physically, and mentally, which can impose detrimental effects on themselves or
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 those around them.
By facilitating
Change preposition
Facilitating
show examples
 them with the right education and services,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
could take some burden regarding living in society off their shoulders.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that ideas are not just listed but are expanded upon with explanations or examples.
coherence cohesion
In your introduction, make sure to paraphrase the prompt and clearly state the problems and the measures that you will discuss.
coherence cohesion
Link your ideas smoothly by using a range of appropriate linking words and phrases.
task achievement
Respond to all parts of the task. Make sure you directly address the problems caused for individuals and society, as well as suggest measures to reduce the impact of ageing populations.
task achievement
Expand on your ideas by providing more developed examples and explanations for both problems and solutions.
task achievement
To achieve a higher band, aim to develop a more comprehensive response that fully addresses the complexities of the issue.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • average life expectancy
  • developed world
  • increase
  • individuals
  • society
  • personal goals
  • ambitions
  • quality of life
  • leisure
  • recreation
  • healthcare costs
  • challenges
  • healthcare system
  • ageing population
  • shortage
  • available workers
  • economy
  • retirement planning
  • healthy lifestyles
  • investing
  • social support systems
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