Some people think that sending criminals to prison is not an effective way to deal with them. Education and training are better. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is widely debated that offering
education
and vocational training for lawbreakers is a better and more realistic solution rather than letting them receive prison sentences. From my perspective, while
I agree that education
is a possible way to tackle this
issue, I strongly believe that individuals who break the law must receive more severe punishment by being sent to jail.
On the one hand, it is tangible that providing ways involved in education
in order to broaden the offenders’ minds plays an indispensable role in assisting criminals
in rehabilitating the community as usual. Initially
, among lawbreakers, there are multiple dwellers, who engage in criminal activities as a way of earning a living. This
can be explained that they have to suffer from poverty and unemployment for a long period. As a result
, they have to break the law by minor crimes namely shoplifting or pickpocketing in order to overcome the adversities in daily life. Consequently
, these are educable citizens, and authorities ought to support them in daily life by providing free accommodation, and an occupation in order that they can make a living and avoid reoffending. Secondly
, since there are multiple inhabitants who commit serious crimes such
as robbery or murder, the violent environment in jails potentially causes serious mental issues among criminals
. The result of this
trend is that they have a tendency to commit an offense
again. Change the spelling
offence
As a consequence
, education
and vocational training are possible ways to help them escape from negative thinking in the future.
In contrast
, I strongly believe that prisons are the best place to educate offenders, as jails have already existed for thousands of years. First of all, sending dwellers who break the laws behind bars will prevent them from posing a severe threat to society. Hence
, it is able to create a peaceful and secure society for all dwellers, and they will not have to be worried about multiple crimes namely robbery, kidnapping, and murder invading in public. In addition
, it will support the community in developing a sense of safety and security as all criminals
are taken into jails. Finally
, offenders will learn multiple valuable lessons related to freedom, since they lost it after committing a crime. Therefore
, after being released from prison, they will not have the capability to re-offend and follow the rules since they are afraid of losing their freedom again.
In conclusion, from aforementioned
viewpoints, I believe that Correct article usage
the aforementioned
although
training and education
play a vital role in helping the criminals
, prisons are the most suitable place for them as they will learn different lessons while
staying there.Submitted by quynhtranhbh on
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task achievement
You need to ensure that your viewpoint is consistent throughout the essay. The introduction presents a somewhat contradictory stance which can confuse the reader. Stick to one clear position to enhance task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates the ability to organize ideas logically, but the transitions between them can be improved for better flow and coherence. Use cohesive devices more effectively to link ideas within and between paragraphs.
task achievement
While you have presented some examples, they lack depth and specificity which would strengthen your argument. Providing detailed and precise examples helps illustrate your points better and improve task achievement.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.