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Band 7.5

many people around the world use social media everyday to keep in touch with other people and get news evetns. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages ?

#people #world #media #touch #news #evetns
Due to
 the advent of technology, there has been a shift towards individuals’ ways of informing and communicating.
Although
 losing connection might be considerable, I believe that the advantages of immediacy and convenience of the social network will certainly surpass that downside. It is vital to understand that the speed of the Internet is so impressive that it can deliver a huge amount of information within a few seconds.
Due to
this
, inhabitants will be able to read daily news immediately from social apps to keep up with changes all over the earth.
Moreover
, contacting other people over long distances will be faster than in the past, which helps conversations go smoothly without being delayed for so long
,
Remove the comma
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 as if they were in a direct chat in person Another upside
that is
 worth considering is the easy and all-aged access to the
media
 platform. With the worldwide expanding network, everyone can have a conversation with others anywhere.
This
 should benefit citizens, especially family members to keep in contact with one another regularly. Take a long period of COVID-19 as a prime example,
while
 being isolated because of infection, inhabitants could use the free-access
media
 apps to get daily news and dial their relatives.
However
, using social
media
 every day might create a feeling of boredom to the outside nature. Some people after exposing to
media
 apps find it unnecessary to interact with others in reality,
instead
, they will immerse themselves in the visual world.
Hence
, that would result in a boring and speechless world. In conclusion, despite the unconnected world will appear in the near future, it cannot be denied the convenience of social
media
 has benefited society in terms of communicating and informing global events.
Submitted by nguyenkhuyenhcmcs4k11 on

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Task Achievement
Work on developing more relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. Incorporating concrete examples or personal experiences can make your essay more compelling.
Coherence & Cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, try to link ideas more smoothly between paragraphs. Use a variety of linking words and phrases to enhance the flow of your essay.
Task Achievement
In your introduction, clearly state whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. This will make your position more clear from the beginning.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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