Topic: Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that improve the mind, such as reading and doing word puzzles. Other people feel that it is important to rest the mind during leisure time. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

The notion of what activities should be done during your
leisure
time
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
quite
picking
Change the verb form
picked
show examples
up the public's interest. Many
people
believes
Change the verb form
believe
show examples
that doing productive activities during spare
time
is necessary,
while
some might
argues
Change the verb form
argue
show examples
leisure
time
is a
time
to rest your
mind
. In
this
essay, I will elucidate and analyze both views and give my personal opinion in the end. Productive activities
such
as reading and doing word puzzles help you improve your
mind
.
For instance
,
people
who
stimulates
Change the verb form
stimulate
show examples
their brain even
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
their spare
time
, often
feels
Change the verb form
feel
show examples
their
life
is more right on track. Without any doubt, stimulating your brain helps you not to lose focus even on
weekend
Correct article usage
the weekend
show examples
. In the end, many folks believe keeping their best condition even during on
weekend
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
a better
advance
Correct your spelling
advantage
show examples
for their
life
. On the other
hands
Fix the agreement mistake
hand
show examples
, resting during
leisure
time
is more appealing to some
people
who have heavy
workload
Fix the agreement mistake
workloads
show examples
during
weekday
Fix the agreement mistake
weekdays
show examples
.
Furthermore
, resting gives many
people
a chance to seek and explore more.
For instance
, someone decided to have an exhilarating activity
such
as hiking on
weekend
Correct article usage
the weekend
show examples
.
Not to mention
,
work-
Correct your spelling
work-life balance
show examples
life
-balance is an occuring trend nowadays.
In addition
,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
recharging energy during the
weekend
helps most
people
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
better
preparing
Wrong verb form
prepare
show examples
for another
monday
Change the capitalization
Monday
show examples
.
To conclude
, playing with your brain
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
your
leisure
time
helps keep your
life
right on track.
In contrast
, resting your
mind
on
weekend
Correct article usage
the weekend
show examples
offers you a better chance to explore the world. In my perspective, the second choice, to rest my
mind
during my spare
time
,
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
better advantages for my
life
.
Submitted by kezia.ch.wibowo on

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Coherence & Cohesion
To enhance coherence, ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that ideas flow logically from one to the other. Transition phrases can guide the reader smoothly through your arguments. Aim to have a more cohesive structure by fleshing out your points with more detailed support.
Task Achievement
For task achievement, make sure to address all parts of the prompt thoroughly. While your essay touches on both sides, giving more specific examples would strengthen your response. Your personal opinion is clear, but try to integrate it throughout the essay rather than only in the conclusion for a more complete response.

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