IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Topic: Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that improve the mind, such as reading and doing word puzzles. Other people feel that it is important to rest the mind during leisure time. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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The notion of what activities should be done during your
leisure
Use synonyms
time
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have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 quite
picking
Change the verb form
picked
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 up the public's interest. Many
people
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believes
Change the verb form
believe
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 that doing productive activities during spare
time
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 is necessary,
while
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 some might
argues
Change the verb form
argue
show examples
leisure
Use synonyms
time
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 is a
time
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 to rest your
mind
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. In
this
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 essay, I will elucidate and analyze both views and give my personal opinion in the end. Productive activities
such
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 as reading and doing word puzzles help you improve your
mind
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.
For instance
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,
people
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 who
stimulates
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stimulate
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 their brain even
on
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in
show examples
 their spare
time
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, often
feels
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feel
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 their
life
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 is more right on track. Without any doubt, stimulating your brain helps you not to lose focus even on
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weekend
Correct article usage
the weekend
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. In the end, many folks believe keeping their best condition even during on
weekend
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have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 a better
advance
Correct your spelling
advantage
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 for their
life
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. On the other
hands
Fix the agreement mistake
hand
show examples
, resting during
leisure
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time
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 is more appealing to some
people
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 who have heavy
workload
Fix the agreement mistake
workloads
show examples
 during
weekday
Fix the agreement mistake
weekdays
show examples
.
Furthermore
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, resting gives many
people
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 a chance to seek and explore more.
For instance
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, someone decided to have an exhilarating activity
such
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 as hiking on
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weekend
Correct article usage
the weekend
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.
Not to mention
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,
work-
Correct your spelling
work-life balance
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life
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-balance is an occuring trend nowadays.
In addition
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,
by
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apply
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recharging energy during the
weekend
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 helps most
people
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in
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apply
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better
preparing
Wrong verb form
prepare
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 for another
monday
Change the capitalization
Monday
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.
To conclude
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, playing with your brain
on
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in
show examples
 your
leisure
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time
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 helps keep your
life
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 right on track.
In contrast
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, resting your
mind
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 on
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weekend
Correct article usage
the weekend
show examples
 offers you a better chance to explore the world. In my perspective, the second choice, to rest my
mind
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 during my spare
time
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,
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 better advantages for my
life
Use synonyms
.

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Coherence & Cohesion
To enhance coherence, ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that ideas flow logically from one to the other. Transition phrases can guide the reader smoothly through your arguments. Aim to have a more cohesive structure by fleshing out your points with more detailed support.
Task Achievement
For task achievement, make sure to address all parts of the prompt thoroughly. While your essay touches on both sides, giving more specific examples would strengthen your response. Your personal opinion is clear, but try to integrate it throughout the essay rather than only in the conclusion for a more complete response.
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