IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some I formation is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

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The importance of
information
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 has been increasing in recent years in terms of expanding
people
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's
overall
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 knowledge and horizons.
While
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 some
people
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 believe that
data
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 should be shared by experts as much as possible,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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others argue that
this
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 process
mey
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may
result
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 in some unexpected situations in case
crimals
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criminals
 are able to access
to
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apply
show examples
essential
information
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.
This
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 essay will explain
the
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apply
show examples
both sides
,
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apply
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 and highlight the importance of restricted sharing. On the one hand, sharing
information
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 may accelerate the speed of scientific
researches
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research
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. To clarify, many scientists across the
world
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 are trying to find a cure for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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AIDS. As long as they inform each other about what they discovered, the cure would
find
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be found
show examples
 in
shorter
Add an article
the shorter
show examples
 term, in comparison with the situation they reject
to
Change the verb form
sharing
show examples
share
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 their
data
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. By sharing their knowledge and ideas, they may gain different perspectives
,
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apply
show examples
 and
also
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 keep themselves from repeating
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 procedures in different countries.
For example
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, since doctors informed themselves about their
researches
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research
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 related to
Correct article usage
the corona
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corona virus
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coronavirus
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, a vaccine was applied
many
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to many
show examples
people
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,
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as
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and as
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 a
result
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, thousands of
people
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's
life
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lives
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 were saved.
On the other hand
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, sharing
data
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 may
result
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 in some unintended situations like fraud. It is obvious that there are some bad
manner
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manners
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people
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, who can
make
Verb problem
do
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 anything
for earning
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to earn
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 more money across the
world
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. If these
people
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 can
reach
Verb problem
obtain
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 essential
information
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, they may use that
for cheating
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to cheat
show examples
people
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. To illustrate, technology has been considerably developing lately, and
this
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 pattern has made
easier
Correct pronoun usage
it easier
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 to access
people
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's personal accounts by using AI. If every person
are
Change the verb form
is
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 able to learn the details of using AI, some of them may hack
people
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's personal accounts,
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then
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and then
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share
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 their secret conversations or pictures online.
Furthermore
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, these bad manner
people
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 may even hack
people
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's bank accounts and steal their money.
Finally
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, I believe that the truth lies somewhere in between, since the
information
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 is accepted as a keystone in today's
world
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 it should
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share
Wrong verb form
be shared
show examples
 carefully
to
Change preposition
with
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 others. In order to develop our
world
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 faster, scientists should inform each other.
Hence
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, they are able to save their time and the budget of their research.
However
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, crucial
data
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 should
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share
Wrong verb form
be shared
show examples
 carefully, and only with some
people
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, who proved themselves about their honesty.
To conclude
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, sharing
the
Correct article usage
apply
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information
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 is a controversial topic, and it requires a comprehensive approach.
Despite
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Although
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 informing
people
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, especially scientists, may accelerate the velocity of the research process, it may
result
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 in unexpected
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
 if bad manners
people
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 can access. Individuals
,
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apply
show examples
 and authorities should be aware of the positive and negative aspects, and
share
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information
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 with
limited
Change the article
a limited
the limited
show examples
 number of
people
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.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear logical structure by having distinct paragraphs for each viewpoint and your own opinion. Use cohesive devices to connect ideas and paragraphs effectively.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing techniques to improve the flow of the essay. Be more careful with topic sentences to guide the reader through your arguments.
task achievement
Address the task by covering all aspects of the prompt more evenly, ensuring that your opinion is clear and strongly supported by arguments.
task achievement
Introduce more relevant examples and ensure they are specific and clearly support your main points.
task achievement
Strive for clarity in presenting your ideas, avoiding overly complex sentences that may confuse the reader. Simplifying the sentence structure can often help in conveying your points more effectively.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Dissemination
  • Intellectual property
  • Collaborative efforts
  • Transparency
  • Proprietary information
  • Ethical considerations
  • Confidentiality
  • Data privacy
  • Trade secrets
  • Open-source
  • Public domain
  • Innovation
  • Patent laws
  • Monetization
  • Non-disclosure agreements
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