Out of a country’s health budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and prevention measures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
In terms of financial stability, the government should create a
budget
with an equal amout
of money within various sectors. These people have to take Correct your spelling
amount
country
forward Add an article
the country
along with
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
as well as
statistically. There is an argument stating that,
a huge amount from Remove the comma
apply
country's
Correct article usage
the country's
health
budget
should be changed and implement
towards Wrong verb form
implemented
the
Correct article usage
apply
health
education and also
take some precautions. I completely agree with this
notion and this
essay will discuss few
points regarding Correct article usage
a few
to
Remove the preposition
apply
this
statement.
At the onset, It is believed that the federal government is usually creating a new budget
every year and sometimes because of
some reason they can't Change preposition
for
fulfill
the needed requirement. If they are just focusing on the Change the spelling
fulfil
health's
Change noun form
health
budget
instead
of the necessary resources than
Correct your spelling
then
this
can create a problem in the upcoming future. To quote an instance, In 2020 during COVID time, as
Germany was well known Correct word choice
apply
by
its marvellous Change preposition
for
budget
plan. During this
crisis
the whole Add a comma
crisis,
country
was lacking of the
doctors and registered nurses. They have almost everything which is needed at the time of treatment, except the professional people. Correct article usage
apply
This
all happened just because they were not having enough educational campus to train new people.
Additionally
, I believe that by
building more infrastructures and investing a lot in the education Change preposition
apply
field
will create a lot more number of
citizens in Correct quantifier usage
apply
medical
Add an article
the medical
field
. By spending
money on these Change preposition
Spending
builldings
and buying the necessary equipment will make the whole Correct your spelling
buildings
country
stands
in a Correct subject-verb agreement
stand
well known
position. Add a hyphen
well-known
For example
, In China it is believed that about 55% of Correct article usage
the population
population
is in Correct article usage
the population
Correct article usage
the medical
medical
Correct article usage
the medical
field
and this
just happened because the government took the appropriate steps. They are also
the largest manufactures
of medical equipment in the whole world. They stand out Fix the agreement mistake
manufacturer
seperately
just because of the good Correct your spelling
separately
budget
idea.
In conclusion, taking the appropriate step
and investing in the educational sector Fix the agreement mistake
steps
wheter
in Correct your spelling
whether
medical
or technology Correct article usage
the medical
field
, results with the best outcome. I totally agree that out of health
Correct article usage
the health
budget
plan, a lot more should be diverted towards the educational sector.Submitted by hlife4454 on
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Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, but the body paragraphs lack clear topic sentences. Each paragraph should start with a topic sentence that clearly states the main idea you will discuss.
Coherence & Cohesion
Improve the organization of your essay by grouping related information together and using transition words to help the reader follow your argument.
Task Achievement
Develop your main points more fully with explanations and examples. You have provided some relevant examples, but they need to be expanded upon and connected more clearly to your argument.
Task Achievement
Ensure a complete response to the task by addressing the prompt thoroughly. You have offered agreement to the stated viewpoint, but your response needs to consider different perspectives for a balanced argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Remember to use paragraphs effectively to organize your ideas. One idea per paragraph with proper examples and explanations will make your writing more coherent.