Out of a country’s health budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and prevention measures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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In terms of financial stability, the government should create a
budget
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with an equal
amout
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amount
of money within various sectors. These people have to take
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country
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the country
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forward
along with
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economy
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the economy
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as well as
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statistically. There is an argument stating that
,
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apply
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a huge amount from
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country's
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the country's
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health
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budget
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should be changed and
implement
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implemented
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towards
the
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apply
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health
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education and
also
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take some precautions. I completely agree with
this
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notion and
this
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essay will discuss
few
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a few
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points regarding
to
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apply
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this
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statement. At the onset, It is believed that the federal government is usually creating a new
budget
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every year and sometimes because
of
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for
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some reason they can't
fulfill
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fulfil
show examples
the needed requirement. If they are just focusing on the
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health's
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health
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budget
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instead
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of the necessary resources
than
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then
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this
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can create a problem in the upcoming future. To quote an instance, In 2020 during COVID time,
as
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apply
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Germany was well known
by
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for
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its marvellous
budget
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plan. During
this
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crisis
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crisis,
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the whole
country
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was lacking of
the
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apply
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doctors and registered nurses. They have almost everything which is needed at the time of treatment, except the professional people.
This
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all happened just because they were not having enough educational campus to train new people.
Additionally
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, I believe that
by
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apply
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building more infrastructures and investing a lot in the education
field
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will create a lot more
number of
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apply
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citizens in
medical
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the medical
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field
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.
By spending
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Spending
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money on these
builldings
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buildings
and buying the necessary equipment will make the whole
country
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stands
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stand
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in a
well known
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well-known
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position.
For example
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, In China it is believed that about 55% of
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the population
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population
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the population
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is in
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the medical
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medical
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the medical
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field
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and
this
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just happened because the government took the appropriate steps. They are
also
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the largest
manufactures
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manufacturer
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of medical equipment in the whole world. They stand out
seperately
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separately
just because of the good
budget
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idea. In conclusion, taking the appropriate
step
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steps
show examples
and investing in the educational sector
wheter
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whether
in
medical
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the medical
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or technology
field
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, results with the best outcome. I totally agree that out of
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health
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the health
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budget
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plan, a lot more should be diverted towards the educational sector.

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Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, but the body paragraphs lack clear topic sentences. Each paragraph should start with a topic sentence that clearly states the main idea you will discuss.
Coherence & Cohesion
Improve the organization of your essay by grouping related information together and using transition words to help the reader follow your argument.
Task Achievement
Develop your main points more fully with explanations and examples. You have provided some relevant examples, but they need to be expanded upon and connected more clearly to your argument.
Task Achievement
Ensure a complete response to the task by addressing the prompt thoroughly. You have offered agreement to the stated viewpoint, but your response needs to consider different perspectives for a balanced argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Remember to use paragraphs effectively to organize your ideas. One idea per paragraph with proper examples and explanations will make your writing more coherent.
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