Some people believe that children should be banned from using their phones during the school day. Others believe that children should be allowed to use their phones. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

It is still a subject of debate when the majority say
children
should not
use
their
phones
whenever they have classes to attend
while
the others think that their
phones
will not harm them.
This
essay will compare both perspectives
as well as
give related illustrations before
state
Wrong verb form
stating
show examples
my own opinion.
To begin
with, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people might think that technology like
phones
only will disturb them and reduce
children
's
focuses
Fix the agreement mistake
focus
show examples
on
school works
Correct your spelling
schoolwork
show examples
. It is undeniable that
phones
can distract them because those devices own various features like games and
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
which individuals can access and spend their
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
in there for almost forever before they get too attached
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
them.
For instance
, if
children
stream
online
Add an article
an online
show examples
movie
Fix the agreement mistake
movies
show examples
with their
phones
they require at least 2 hours of
screentime
Correct your spelling
screen time
show examples
to
finally
meet the movie ending,
meanwhile
Add a comma
meanwhile,
show examples
they can
use
that 2 hours for other stuff like studying or doing their
homeworks
Correct your spelling
homework
.
This
is why many individuals believe that it is necessary to ban students from their
phones
Change the noun form
phone
show examples
usage in order to stop them from being procrastinators and to just focus on their
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
.
On the other hand
, people believe that
phones
are needed and can be very helpful to contribute
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
their
school
stuff.
This
is because
phones
are connected to the internet which is commonly known as a modern encyclopedia or basically
contain
Correct subject-verb agreement
contains
show examples
everthing
Correct your spelling
everything
that everyone
is need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
to know. To exemplify, their mobile
phones
let them access Youtube where they can find versatile
insighftul
Correct your spelling
insightful
video materials including their
school
subject materials like math, science, and even art which can enrich their knowledge with even more updated information.
This
is why many people believe that
phones
are great to
use
even
in
Change preposition
during
show examples
school
day
Fix the agreement mistake
days
show examples
as
this
phenomenon will just become an advantage for many students.
To sum up
, the
phones
Change noun form
phone's
phones'
show examples
function on
children
in
school
is like a double-edged sword where it has both
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
and its own
drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
show examples
. Personally, I believe that
device
Fix the agreement mistake
devices
show examples
can contribute a lot
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
growth
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
learning if they
use
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
wisely and still
being considerable
Verb problem
concentrate
show examples
on their own responsibilities as
leaners
Correct your spelling
learners
show examples
.
Submitted by writingielts0 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay provides a clear structure but could further benefit from more varied and complex sentence structures to demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.
task achievement
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea supported by relevant examples. Develop each point further to enhance task response.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Minimize
  • Distractions
  • Prohibit
  • Cyberbullying
  • Inappropriate
  • Encourage
  • Social interaction
  • Educational apps
  • Safety tool
  • Emergencies
  • Responsible use
  • Balanced approach
  • Restrictions
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