Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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With the increased numbers of
people
Use synonyms
relying on alternative medicines and treatments
instead
Linking Words
of going to a professional for their health problems, there have been several arguments regarding
this
Linking Words
situation. I believe that
this
Linking Words
case would be a negative development towards the community, which I will explain
further
Linking Words
in
this
Linking Words
essay. To start, it is clearly dangerous to entrust
people
Use synonyms
who are not medical professionals to cure one’s body because you don’t know their educational background.
People
Use synonyms
who work in a hospital are unmistakably someone who has a degree in that field
as well as
Linking Words
experience. Using the internet as a source
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
your medication could lead to some side effects even if they are throwing out foreign laboratory words to convince you that it would work. Despite the fact that it might be cheaper than their regular medical bills, you do not want to put your life at risk on someone who gives you alternative medicines.
In addition
Linking Words
, some cultures use traditional healing to heal
people
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
the fact that it has been a custom for their communities. Yet, there have been cases
that
Change preposition
in
show examples
a
Correct pronoun usage
which a
show examples
patient
got
Verb problem
apply
show examples
backfired and experienced more pain than before. One of them had to lose a part of their body
as a consequence
Linking Words
of not wanting to go to a doctor and believing in a self-proclaimed healer by consuming the recommended medicines and treatments.
Hence
Linking Words
, it is
Therefore
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, I would view using alternative ways
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
healing yourself as a negative development because it could put one’s life at risk. It is far better to seek a medical professional
instead
Linking Words
.
Submitted by anindyadewi58 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay presents an opinion and expands on that opinion with supporting details. To enhance the logical structure, connect the ideas more clearly between paragraphs using a variety of linking words and phrases. Furthermore, make sure that each paragraph continues to build on the main point clearly.
coherence cohesion
Provide a clear introduction with a more definitive thesis statement. Make sure the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of the essay without introducing new ideas. Ensure that both the introduction and the conclusion are fully developed as they frame the essay for the reader.
task achievement
Expand the main points with more detailed examples and explanations. Citing specific and relevant examples to support your opinion will strengthen the argument. Be specific rather than general to provide a more persuasive argument.
task achievement
To achieve a higher task response score, make sure the essay fully addresses all parts of the prompt. The response must be complete and develop a position throughout the essay with relevant, extended, and supported ideas.
task achievement
Remember to present clear, comprehensive ideas that are relevant to the task. Work on ensuring that each paragraph has a main idea and that the supporting sentences directly relate to it. Aim to communicate your ideas more effectively with clarity and detail.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
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