Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
With the increased numbers of
people
relying on alternative medicines and treatments instead
of going to a professional for their health problems, there have been several arguments regarding this
situation. I believe that this
case would be a negative development towards the community, which I will explain further
in this
essay.
To start, it is clearly dangerous to entrust people
who are not medical professionals to cure one’s body because you don’t know their educational background. People
who work in a hospital are unmistakably someone who has a degree in that field as well as
experience. Using the internet as a source to
your medication could lead to some side effects even if they are throwing out foreign laboratory words to convince you that it would work. Despite the fact that it might be cheaper than their regular medical bills, you do not want to put your life at risk on someone who gives you alternative medicines.
Change preposition
of
In addition
, some cultures use traditional healing to heal people
due to
the fact that it has been a custom for their communities. Yet, there have been cases that
Change preposition
in
a
patient Correct pronoun usage
which a
got
backfired and experienced more pain than before. One of them had to lose a part of their body Verb problem
apply
as a consequence
of not wanting to go to a doctor and believing in a self-proclaimed healer by consuming the recommended medicines and treatments. Hence
, it is
Therefore
, I would view using alternative ways in
healing yourself as a negative development because it could put one’s life at risk. It is far better to seek a medical professional Change preposition
of
instead
.Submitted by anindyadewi58 on
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coherence cohesion
The essay presents an opinion and expands on that opinion with supporting details. To enhance the logical structure, connect the ideas more clearly between paragraphs using a variety of linking words and phrases. Furthermore, make sure that each paragraph continues to build on the main point clearly.
coherence cohesion
Provide a clear introduction with a more definitive thesis statement. Make sure the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of the essay without introducing new ideas. Ensure that both the introduction and the conclusion are fully developed as they frame the essay for the reader.
task achievement
Expand the main points with more detailed examples and explanations. Citing specific and relevant examples to support your opinion will strengthen the argument. Be specific rather than general to provide a more persuasive argument.
task achievement
To achieve a higher task response score, make sure the essay fully addresses all parts of the prompt. The response must be complete and develop a position throughout the essay with relevant, extended, and supported ideas.
task achievement
Remember to present clear, comprehensive ideas that are relevant to the task. Work on ensuring that each paragraph has a main idea and that the supporting sentences directly relate to it. Aim to communicate your ideas more effectively with clarity and detail.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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