STUDIES SHOW THAT CRIME RATE ARE LOWER AMONG THOSE WITH EDUCATION DEGREES. THEREFORE, THE BEST WAY TO REDUCE THE CRIME RATE IS TO EDUCATE CRIMINALS WHILE THEY ARE STILL IN PRISON. TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE?
To a large extent
that
I agree with the statement of educating criminals in prison Correct word choice
apply
for
prevent the crime rate from increasing. The reasons are as follows:
Change preposition
to
Firstly
, education
allows job opportunities. There are numerous of
Change preposition
apply
crimes
Correct pronoun usage
that happened
happened
because Wrong verb form
happen
the
criminals have to commit the Correct article usage
apply
crimes
for the sake of their livelihood. For example
, there are higher chance for the
unemployed Correct article usage
apply
people
to commit crimes
becuase
they are forced to steal in the interest of themselves and their families. By introducing Correct your spelling
because
education
in prisons, the prisoners can access to
new Change preposition
apply
skills
and knowledge
, which allows them to equip themselves for the
job hunting. Meanwhile, they may find new passions when they acknowledge new Correct article usage
apply
field
of Fix the agreement mistake
fields
knowledge
, so they can be passionate in developing new sets of skills
for the sake of their future.
Secondly
, education
can strengthen their interpersonal relationships. Since they can learn with their peers and teachers, thus
Correct your spelling
they
establishing
trustful relationships. Throughout the learning process, they can learn how to communicate and work with other peers. Not only will they learn how to be empathic towards Wrong verb form
establish
people
, but also
they can be more confident in cultivating harmonic relationships with different people
in the
society.
Correct article usage
apply
However
, some may argue that education
is not effective, as a majority of prisoners who
have already lost their Correct pronoun usage
apply
interests
in learning. I firmly believe that academic performance is not the only way to Fix the agreement mistake
interest
relect
a person's potential. There are uncountable fields of Correct your spelling
reflect
select
knowledge
and techniques that are not obtainable in the local schools. For example
, gaming entertainment industries have been thriving in recent years, people
who loves
video games can play professionally and secure their living. Change the verb form
love
Therefore
, education
is a key to allow
Wrong verb form
allowing
people
to find out their interests so they can believe in their own abilities to make a living by themselves.
All in all, it is my unshakable belief that education
can effectively reduce the crime rate. It is because education
can provide the prisoners hope that they can enter the
society with sufficient Correct article usage
apply
knowledge
and soft skills
for developing interpersonal skills
, so it is not neccessory
for them to commit Correct your spelling
necessary
crimes
anymore.Submitted by asllchkied on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Ensure a clear thesis statement is provided in the introduction to guide the direction of the argument.
coherence and cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices and paragraphing effectively to structure the argument coherently.
coherence and cohesion
Consider varying sentence structures to improve readability and flow.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. These examples should be detailed and directly related to the question.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example