Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Presently in whole the world, many
people
and children are doing
anything
Correct pronoun usage
nothing
show examples
like working and studying
from
Change preposition
at
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
home.
This
matter is caused by cheaper and more accessible
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
technology
.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
technology
makes
someone
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
easier to perform activities, I think
this
condition is going to
cause
Verb problem
have
show examples
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
impact in the long run, and my reasons will be elucidated in the paragraph
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
below. There is no arguing about
technology
that makes it easy
most
Change preposition
for most
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
to do
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
or
learning
Wrong verb form
learn
show examples
.
Firstly
, some
people
with pleasure utilize
technology
like
laptop
Fix the agreement mistake
laptops
show examples
,
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
and
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
for performing daily activities because they feel that using the
technology
can be
economically
Change the word
economical
show examples
.
For instance
, if someone has a job, and
they have
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
to meet with their client in distinctions city, they do not require moving to some places to communicate with others, and they are able to use
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology
to interact so that they do not spend their money for cost of transportation.
Secondly
, several
people
like using
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
to work or study because
this
makes the time more flexible. They are able to
make
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
schedule a
such
meeting abruptly, and they do the meeting through their
gadgets
. Despite the aforementioned advantages, from my perspective, those benefits do not
think
Verb problem
care
show examples
for the future.
To begin
with, some
people
who frequently utilize their
gadgets
in daily life will often sit, and they are going to seldom move their
body so
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
this
situation will be able to induce health problems like obesity and cardiovascular because they little move.
Moreover
, if youngsters learn from their
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
using
the
Change the word
their
show examples
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
, I believe they will not study, and precisely they are going to play games on their
gadgets
.
Furthermore
, using
phone
Add an article
the phone
a phone
show examples
will make
child getting
Wrong verb form
children
show examples
lazy to study and interact with other
people
.
For example
, if children are holding their
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
, and
then
their parents ask helping to them, they do not want
assisting
Change the verb form
to assist
show examples
their parents, and they prefer to play
their
Change preposition
with their
show examples
gadgets
.
Thus
, if
people
spending many
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
time with
technology
, it will
appear
Verb problem
have
show examples
many
bad
Correct word choice
negative
show examples
impacts.
To conclude
, despite using
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology
make
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life becoming easy.
However
,
this
matter will cause many problems like inducing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
diseases, making someone lazy and less interaction.
Submitted by fifi on

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introduction
Your introduction provides a basic background to the topic, but it could be stronger by directly addressing the question and stating your view more clearly.
main points
Make sure your main points are fully developed with clear topic sentences and that each paragraph is focused on a single idea.
grammar and sentence structure
Revise your work for grammatical accuracy and to ensure that sentences are well-constructed and clear. Aim to vary your sentence structures and use a mix of simple and complex sentences.
conclusion
Be precise in your conclusions and summarize your viewpoints effectively, ensuring that it mirrors what is expressed in your introduction.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words and phrases to create better flow between sentences and paragraphs, and to guide the reader through your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • remote work
  • e-learning
  • accessibility
  • inclusive
  • productivity
  • personalized learning
  • disciplined routine
  • interpersonal skills
  • cybersecurity
  • sustainability
  • work-life balance
  • physical disabilities
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