IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people want governments to spend money looking for life on other planets. Others, however, think this is a waste of public money when there are so many problems on earth. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.

#people #governments #money #life #planets #waste #earth
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In recent years, there has been an
increase
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 in
space
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exploration
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however
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, many people have voiced out that there are plenty of
issues
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 on Earth that can be resolved by utilizing
space
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exploration
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 funds. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss why there is a need to solve worldly
issues
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 before
further
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 exploring
space
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. NASA has been known all over the world to lead
space
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exploration
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. Since the successful landing on the moon by Armstrong, there has been a steady
increase
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 in
space
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exploration
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 by different countries
as well as
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 private companies. Astronavigation has been beneficial to humans as it provides new knowledge about what other planets look how the ecosystem is and the lack thereof.
For example
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, a recent report from NASA came out stating that the most commonly known stars in the Milky Way are less habitable.
This
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 report has broken the notion of living in one of the Milky Way's stars. It is
also
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 important to have
this
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exploration
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 so we can have an idea of which planets are viable to host and foster humans.
On the other hand
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,
while
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 it is beneficial for astronavigation, there are many
issues
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 that need to be resolved on our own planet - the Earth. It is known that the US government and other countries invest exorbitant amounts of money in
space
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exploration
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 but governments can
also
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 properly allocate funds to areas in need of more financial assistance.
For example
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, the US can give some of the funds for
space
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exploration
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 to improve their healthcare system. There is an alarming
increase
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 in healthcare costs that patients are not able to keep up with
hence
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, the
increase
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 in mortality rate in all age groups.
To conclude
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,
space
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 navigation can be helpful in heightening human knowledge of the
space
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 beyond, the money allocated to these causes can be distributed to other agencies
such
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 as healthcare to aid in resolving health
issues
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.
Submitted by estillorericamae on

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task response
To improve your score in Task Response, make sure you address both views of the question more evenly. Right now, the essay leans slightly more towards one side. Additionally, try to provide more varied and concrete examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
For better Coherence and Cohesion, ensure that all paragraphs have a clear central idea and use linking words logically and effectively to connect your ideas. Also, edit your essay to fix small inaccuracies and ensure clarity and conciseness.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly sets out the debate and introduces the topic well, which is a strong point in your essay.
supported main points
You have provided a balanced view by discussing the benefits of space exploration and the urgency of addressing terrestrial issues. This shows a good understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • unprecedented opportunities
  • extraterrestrial
  • satisfy human curiosity
  • practical benefits
  • inspiring goal
  • testament to human ambition
  • pursuit of knowledge
  • critics argue
  • imprudent
  • plague Earth
  • immediate attention
  • allocated for
  • environmental conservation
  • well-being
  • quality of life
  • balanced approach
  • advancements
  • benefits for humanity
What to do next:
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