IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had the main negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree?

#people #sites #facebook #impact #individuals #society
Without a doubt, social
media
 is a huge part of our lives. Several
people
 claim that social
media
 platforms
such
 as Facebook affect both persons and the public adversely. From my point of view, I completely agree with the given statement for a number of plausible reasons. I think the most protruding ones are health
problems
 and weakening social relationships. Most
people
 spend their time mindlessly scrolling through the feeds. It is really easy to get carried away and lose track of time. The more we utilize it, the more we damage our health. The damage can come up in a number of forms
such
 as eyestrain, wrong posture, and sedentary lifestyle. It is observed that many
people
 suffer from those
problems
 and they slowly deteriorate their lifestyle. Those factors even may detract
people
 from fulfilling daily responsibilities
such
 as going to school, work, doing daily chores, etc.
Thus
 it can directly lead to disruptions in society. Social
media
’s interference with social
media
 has been one of the main concerns of society since its first release.
People
, especially teenagers are not interested in real conversations. They prefer to get in touch with
people
 through messaging apps. It results in severe communication
problems
due to
 a lack of actual talking with their peers. They will end up with serious consequences on their academic and future work performance. In conclusion, social
media
 affects badly not only individuals but
also
 society as a whole since it causes medical
problems
 and a lack of social relations.
Submitted by dinareabdullayeva on

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your arguments. This will help to illustrate your points more vividly and strengthen your essay.
coherence cohesion
While the main points are clear, they could be better integrated into a more logical structure. Use transitioning phrases to provide a smoother flow to your essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay clearly outlines the main points of argument and provides a satisfactory conclusion that ties back to the introduction.
task achievement
Your ideas are fairly well presented, and you have a clear stance on the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • erosion
  • face-to-face
  • interactions
  • privacy concerns
  • data breaches
  • misinformation
  • polarize
  • cyberbullying
  • online harassment
  • procrastination
  • productivity
  • social isolation
  • dissemination
  • breeding ground
  • vast amounts
  • personal information
  • mental health
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