IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough excercise? What can be done about this problem?

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According to
Linking Words
 a survey,
The
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 have to
do
Verb problem
work
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 workout regularly to maintain their
health
Use synonyms
.
An
Correct article usage
Exercise
show examples
exercise
Use synonyms
 is mandatory to survive
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 a daily basis. The diet plays an important role in our regular life. Physical activities are
also
Linking Words
an
Change the article
apply
show examples
important and related to our well-being. The causes and solutions were discussed in the following paragraphs. So many reasons behind the lifestyle that we are living
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
this
Linking Words
 earth. Foremost, reason is,
the
Correct determiner usage
that
show examples
 corporate companies are giving short
time
Use synonyms
 to complete the task to their employees. In
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 agriculture field, the
people
Use synonyms
 were working seriously
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 sunlight. But the thing is either agriculture/farmers or corporate company employees were not getting a mind to do
exercise
Use synonyms
. Because their working
time
Use synonyms
 is more to complete the task
Change preposition
on at
show examples
at
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
 daily basis.
That is
Linking Words
 the reason
behind
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that
Correct word choice
why
show examples
 working
people
Use synonyms
 do not get enough
time
Use synonyms
 to
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
exercise
Use synonyms
 to maintain their
health
Use synonyms
. For daily routine life, we have to preplan our
work
Use synonyms
 and we have to make a schedule for
work
Use synonyms
 and for doing other activities
such
Linking Words
 as
exercise
Use synonyms
, running, walking etc. Our government should make law for labourers working hours. Companies should make a schedule for regular
health
Use synonyms
 checkups for their employees for their family members. We should monitor our
health
Use synonyms
 robustly by using smart
wrist bands
Correct your spelling
wristbands
show examples
,
health
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 applications and
also
Linking Words
 by using smartphones. And
also
Linking Words
 we have to choose a good occupation or
work
Use synonyms
 that will give us free
time
Use synonyms
 to
exercise
Use synonyms
 daily or in a free
time
Use synonyms
. And
also
Linking Words
 we have to utilize holidays and personal leave to do
exercise
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
Linking Words
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
from the above paragraphs, The government has to conduct an awareness programme for the public by district or area wise to do
exercise
Use synonyms
.
Work
Use synonyms
-life balance is an important
ṭhing
Correct your spelling
thing
 for human beings. The public has to choose a perfect company or
work
Use synonyms
 to avoid travelling for
work
Use synonyms
 or to away from stress. At that
time
Use synonyms
 we could have
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 to do regular
exercise
Use synonyms
. And
also
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 have to reduce entertainment that consumes our important
time
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Ensure all parts of the task are addressed; your response only touches on some aspects of the problem and potential solutions.
task achievement
Develop your ideas fully with clear explanations and specific examples that directly relate to the main points.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of your essay by organizing ideas into clear paragraphs with one main idea each and using linking words effectively.
coherence cohesion
Include an introduction that clearly paraphrases the question and a conclusion that summarizes the main points and opinions.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic, and avoid introducing new ideas in the conclusion.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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