More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people suggest that the solution to this problem is to increase the price of fattening foods. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #price #foods

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Obesity

becomes

Wrong verb form

has become

show examples

a detrimental problem within society.

While

Linking Words

several

people

Use synonyms

are advising to

rising

Verb problem

raise

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the price of non-healthy

food

Use synonyms

, I completely disagree with that view since to overcome the phenomena,

people

Use synonyms

should do more than just

avoiding

Wrong verb form

avoid

show examples

fatty dishes. Obviously, increasing the price of several unhealthy foods can drive

people

Use synonyms

to the healthier option. When

people

Use synonyms

begin to realize their daily consumption of non-healthy products

compel

Change the verb form

compels

show examples

them to allocate a massive amount of money, that will make them think twice since they might have another priority.

Nonetheless

Linking Words

, it can make them

Change the verb form

apply

show examples

start looking for alternative ingredients or products that are cheaper, with almost the

similar

Correct word choice

same

show examples

quality

Correct word choice

show examples

they used to consume. Take the example when Indonesian

people

Use synonyms

start to do home cooking trends to save their budgets because the government is increasing the tax price of fast

food

Use synonyms

restaurant

Fix the agreement mistake

restaurants

show examples

for

Change preposition

show examples

around 10%. Even though almost three-quarters of the total population

are

Change the verb form

show examples

following the trends, I personally think that it will not

effective

Add a missing verb

be effective

show examples

for the lasting period since the existence of online delivery services

such

Linking Words

as Grab or UberEats are offering several promotions to make the prices remain low.

Hence

Linking Words

, several alternatives must be conducted in order to minimise the overweight

phenomena

Fix the agreement mistake

phenomenon

show examples

First,

Linking Words

through

campaign

Add an article

the campaign

a campaign

show examples

. By deploying popular platforms

such

Linking Words

as Instagram and TikTok,

as well as

Linking Words

collaborating with prominent celebrities to introduce and educate

people

Use synonyms

about the risks of obesity,

people

Use synonyms

can

initially

Linking Words

raise their

concern

Fix the agreement mistake

concerns

show examples

Change preposition

about

show examples

that matter.

Second,

Linking Words

do regular exercise. By exercising, the body will not only learn to control the

food

Use synonyms

intake for overcoming obesity

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but

also

Linking Words

how to unleash the calories from the

food

Use synonyms

they consume.

To conclude

Linking Words

although

Linking Words

rising prices might be potent to tackle overweight issues I personally believe that it will not

effective

Add a missing verb

be effective

show examples

in the long run,

thus

Linking Words

some alternatives,

such

Linking Words

Correct your spelling

show examples

doing

campaign

Correct article usage

a campaign

show examples

or exercise must be undertaken.

Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on Mon Jan 22 2024

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Coherence & Cohesion

Ensure that the introduction clearly addresses the question and outlines your position. Additionally, establish a more linear progression of ideas throughout the essay.

Coherence & Cohesion

Develop your main points with detailed examples and explanations. Each paragraph should have a clear central idea that is expanded upon.

Coherence & Cohesion

Link your ideas more clearly using a range of cohesive devices. This helps to signal the relationships between sentences and ideas, enhancing the overall readability of the essay.

Task Achievement

Fully respond to all parts of the task and clearly present your views throughout the essay. Ensure your conclusion consolidates your argument effectively.

Task Achievement

Use specific and relevant examples to support your points, which will add weight to your argument and demonstrate an understanding of the topic.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
19
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

308 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

obesity
overweight
fattening foods
calorie-dense
healthier food choices
taxation
economic implications
social implications
subsidies
nutritional education
public health campaigns
nanny state
individual's right
consumer behavior
preventative measures

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More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people suggest that the solution to this problem is to increase the price of fattening foods. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is impossible to help all the people in the world who are in need, so governments should focus on people from their own country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In many countries around the world,rural people are moving to citites so that population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a possitive or a negative development?

Telemedicine has seen a significant rise in usage, especially in remote areas. What are the advantages and disadvantages of telemedicine?

Some people think that school children need to learn practical skills such as car maintenance or bank account management along with the academic subjects at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The world today is a safer place than it was a hundred years ago, and governments should stop spending large amounts of money on their armed forces. To what extent do you agree with this statement?