More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people suggest that the solution to this problem is to increase the price of fattening foods. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Obesity
becomes
a detrimental problem within society. Wrong verb form
has become
While
several people
are advising to rising
the price of non-healthy Verb problem
raise
food
, I completely disagree with that view since to overcome the phenomena, people
should do more than just avoiding
fatty dishes.
Obviously, increasing the price of several unhealthy foods can drive Wrong verb form
avoid
people
to the healthier option. When people
begin to realize their daily consumption of non-healthy products compel
them to allocate a massive amount of money, that will make them think twice since they might have another priority. Change the verb form
compels
Nonetheless
, it can make them to
start looking for alternative ingredients or products that are cheaper, with almost the Change the verb form
apply
similar
quality Correct word choice
same
like
they used to consume. Take the example when Indonesian Correct word choice
as
people
start to do home cooking trends to save their budgets because the government is increasing the tax price of fast food
restaurant
Fix the agreement mistake
restaurants
for
around 10%. Even though almost three-quarters of the total population Change preposition
by
are
following the trends, I personally think that it will not Change the verb form
is
effective
for the lasting period since the existence of online delivery services Add a missing verb
be effective
such
as Grab or UberEats are offering several promotions to make the prices remain low.
Hence
, several alternatives must be conducted in order to minimise the overweight phenomena
. Fix the agreement mistake
phenomenon
First,
through campaign
. By deploying popular platforms Add an article
the campaign
a campaign
such
as Instagram and TikTok, as well as
collaborating with prominent celebrities to introduce and educate people
about the risks of obesity, people
can initially
raise their concern
Fix the agreement mistake
concerns
to
that matter. Change preposition
about
Second,
do regular exercise. By exercising, the body will not only learn to control the food
intake for overcoming obesity,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
how to unleash the calories from the food
they consume.
To conclude
, although
rising prices might be potent to tackle overweight issues I personally believe that it will not effective
in the long run, Add a missing verb
be effective
thus
some alternatives, such
us
doing Correct your spelling
as
campaign
or exercise must be undertaken.Correct article usage
a campaign
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that the introduction clearly addresses the question and outlines your position. Additionally, establish a more linear progression of ideas throughout the essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Develop your main points with detailed examples and explanations. Each paragraph should have a clear central idea that is expanded upon.
Coherence & Cohesion
Link your ideas more clearly using a range of cohesive devices. This helps to signal the relationships between sentences and ideas, enhancing the overall readability of the essay.
Task Achievement
Fully respond to all parts of the task and clearly present your views throughout the essay. Ensure your conclusion consolidates your argument effectively.
Task Achievement
Use specific and relevant examples to support your points, which will add weight to your argument and demonstrate an understanding of the topic.
