Too much emphasis is given for the education of students. More government money should be spent on free time activities for young people. To what extend do you agree or disagree

#emphasis #education #students #government #money #time #activities #people

People believed that education has a crucial role in day-to-day

activities

, making education matter a great concern for the

government

. Regarding

this

, education for students receives too much attention, and

instead

, the

government

should allocate more money to free time

activities

for youths. I firmly agree with

this

notion, since

this

proposition allows younger generations to discover their areas of interest

while

at the same time

this

is good for their mental health development. First and foremost, free time

activities

allowed students’ interests to be discovered, enabling the development of students’ character and growth outside the academic hall. To illustrate,

activities

such

as extracurricular

activities

allow students to balance both academic and non-academic pursuits, which prepares them to face future challenges.

Additionally

, the chance to build wilder connections will be increased as pupils participate in various

activities

, allowing them to meet new people.

On the other hand

, engaging in free

activities

outside school enhances mental health, as these

activities

provide learners with relaxation

that is

beneficial to reduce stress levels.

For instance

, through hobbies that involve physical strength

such

as basketball, football, and running, endorphins are released.

That is

likely to boost students’ happiness.

Therefore

, it is

also

highly advantageous to managing stress levels,

this

means improving

overall

well-being and preventing burnout. In conclusion, the

government

can emphasise reallocating

government

money to leisure

activities

because it cannot be denied that unwinding

activities

are the best choice to enable young people to discover their passions and promote their mental health development.

Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on Wed Nov 13 2024

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Coherence & Cohesion

Ensure a clear and focused thesis statement in the introduction to guide the reader clearly about your stance.

Task Response

Provide more varied and specific examples to strengthen your arguments.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay contains a well-defined introduction and conclusion, helping the reader to follow the progression of ideas.

Coherence & Cohesion

The arguments are logically organized and each paragraph connects well with the next, showing a good flow of ideas.

Task Achievement

The essay does a good job of addressing the main points of the argument, particularly focusing on character development and mental health benefits.

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

250 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Too much emphasis is given for the education of students. More government money should be spent on free time activities for young people. To what extend do you agree or disagree

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Many museums charge for admission while others are free Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages

Some people think that old buildings should be protected, while others believe that they should be replaced by newer buildings. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. (appears most years in the test)

some people think that the sense of competition in children should be encouraged. other bbelieve that children who are taught to cooperate rather than compete become more useful adults. discuss both views and give opinion.

Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools. Discuss both these views and five your own

Some cities have vehicle-free days when private cars, trucks and motorcylces are banned from city center. People are encouraged to use public transports such as buses, taxis and metro on vehicle-free day. To what extent do you think the advantages of this outweighs the disadvantages?