The ease of international travel and the spread of various kinds of mass media all over the world have made it more possible than ever for people to know how other people live in other countries. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
These days it is more convenient for
people
to travel around the world, also
by spreading social media each individual has this
chance to be aware of the community who live in other nations. I definitely think that the merits of this
are much more than demerits
.
On the one hand, in some areas whenever a bunch of immigrants settle down in a foreign country, automatically they start to spread their culture among their native-born citizens. Afterwards, we will observe a mix of nationalities and cultures in that place. Correct article usage
the demerits
For example
, Qom is one of the relegous
cities of Iran where lots of Muslim Correct your spelling
religious
people
from all over the world visit the holy shrine. Despite the fact that this
city sees different folk with various attitudes, the origin nation almost forget
about their past and history. Change the verb form
forgets
As a result
, travellers and immigrants might affect negatively on
the way of Change preposition
apply
livings
of the host.
Fix the agreement mistake
living
On the other hand
, the development of media and accessible conditions for travelling helps people
to interact with other nations. Firstly
, there is this
chance to exchange good aspects of life. Furthermore
, vulnerable society might be familiar with a better way to live . For instance
, in some regions in Africa, there are lots of people
who live with old-fashioned habits. Thus
, by accepting guess and traveller they would change their strange routines. Additionally
, travelling around the world or being active on social media would improve the knowledge of individuals about lots of international issues. Therefore
, they would face problems and difficulties in their life less than before.
To sum up
, exploring nations and different cultures not only improves our perspective on life but also
boosts the connection between countries.Submitted by arefehbks on
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introduction conclusion present
Make sure to introduce the topic effectively in the introductory paragraph, with a clear thesis statement that reflects the question's main idea. While your introduction is present, it could be more closely aligned with the specifics of the topic calling for discussion of advantages and disadvantages.
logical structure
Use a range of cohesive devices consistently throughout the essay to ensure a logical flow of ideas. While there is a semblance of structure, further clarity and development in linking ideas can strengthen coherence.
supported main points
Support main points with specific examples and explanations. Be cautious not to just make claims, but to illustrate these with clear, specific examples that substantiate your arguments. Some points were made but could be better exemplified.
complete response
Ensure a clear response is evident from the outset and is maintained throughout the essay, addressing the task fully. You addressed the task adequately, but occasional lapses in relevance were found, and there's room for a more exhaustive examination of the topic.
clear comprehensive ideas
Develop clear and comprehensive ideas, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear main idea and is extended with explanation and example. You've made a good start here, but there is an opportunity to deepen the development of your points for a more comprehensive treatment.
relevant specific examples
Incorporate relevant, specific examples that clearly relate to the central topic to strengthen your argument. Including more varied and detailed examples would enhance your essay.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
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