Many people think modern communication technology is having some negative effects on social relationship. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is an
onoing
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ongoing
debate about the advanced
comunication
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communication
system and whether it has a
negetive
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negative
impact
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
individuals
Change noun form
individuals'
individual's
show examples
social life. My perspective is,
although
Correct word choice
that although
show examples
this
matter can have huge
beneficience
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benefits
on instant
communication
and global
relation
Fix the agreement mistake
relations
show examples
, the side effects on social relationships are
extermely
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extremely
severe and must be supervised.
To begin
with, virtual
communication
services
threatens
Correct subject-verb agreement
threaten
show examples
the personal lives of
peaple
Correct your spelling
people
.
Internet
Correct article usage
The Internet
show examples
is a fragile system that can be hacked and the personal information of individuals can be easily
missued
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missed
misused
issued
. In fact,
this
matter can cause the foundation for
cyberbulling
Correct your spelling
cyberbullying
cyber bullying
in which human beings are feeble to
frauds
Fix the agreement mistake
fraud
show examples
.
Therefore
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern
communication
can not
posses
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possess
show examples
a suitable
secuered invironment
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secure environment
for the masses.
Moreover
, utilising developed technology for
interaction
can cause deprivation of a normal lifestyle.
This
technology can diminish the quality of in-person
communication
which can weaken the social bond.
This
means that
face to face
Add a hyphen
face-to-face
show examples
interaction
will be limited without which social isolation will
ocure
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occur
cure
. For
instans
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instance
, scientists
belive
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believe
show examples
that
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
huge amount of
a considrable
Correct word choice
consistent
show examples
interaction
is dedicated to
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sustainble
Correct your spelling
sustainable
non-verbal cues which will lead to a remarkable understanding. If the use of
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
and other improved
technoogy
Correct your spelling
technologies
expaned
Correct your spelling
expands
, residents will face
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
show examples
social skills and be deprived
from
Change the preposition
of
show examples
meaningful
connection
Fix the agreement mistake
connections
show examples
.
Thus
, not only their livelihood will
becom
Correct your spelling
become
isolated, but
also
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social
interaction
will be substandard. In conclusion, my point of view is,
even
Correct word choice
that even
show examples
though
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
has numerous beneficial aspects
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
communities, since it can cause deprivation of
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
suitable social
interaction
and
leads
Correct subject-verb agreement
lead
show examples
to fraud the negative impacts
outweighs
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweigh
show examples
the
advantagouse
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advantages
.
However
, with
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
qualified
supervision
Add a comma
supervision,
show examples
these challenges will be
limitted
Correct your spelling
limited
.
Submitted by imaneslampanahiep on

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structure
Work on structuring your essay with clear paragraphs, each containing one main idea, explanation, and example where appropriate. Make sure your arguments follow a logical sequence.
cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices and conjunctions to better link your ideas, and make sure they are used appropriately.
development
Ensure each paragraph directly relates to the task at hand, and develop your points with detailed support and examples.
accuracy
Pay attention to spelling and grammar to avoid errors that can detract from the overall coherence and impact of your essay.
task response
Construct a stronger thesis statement in your introduction to clearly outline your perspective and plan to address the task.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • virtual communication
  • social fabric
  • digital divide
  • interpersonal skills
  • social networking sites
  • cyberbullying
  • digital literacy
  • online community
  • face-to-face interaction
  • emotional connection
  • non-verbal cues
  • social isolation
  • superficial engagement
  • global village
  • instant messaging
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