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Writing Samples
Band 6

The three charts below show the value in Australian dollars of Australian trade with three different countries from 2004 to 2009. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information below.

The three charts below show the value in Australian dollars of Australian trade with three different countries from 2004 to 2009. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information below.
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The line charts describe the value of
Australian
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
 during trading with three developed countries between 2004 and 2009.
Overall
Linking Words
, the three countries are China, Japan, and the United States, which indicate different
Australian
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
dollars
Change the noun form
dollar
show examples
 values based on the number of exports and imports between them. In the first line chart, it obviously can be seen that the number of exports had slightly increased over the five-year period, which began at about 13 A$
billion
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 to more than 30 A$
billion
Use synonyms
 in 2009.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
importing
Replace the word
imports
show examples
slowly rose until 2008 but
at the end
Linking Words
 of the year, the number
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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remained stable at 30 A$
billion
Use synonyms
 and
crossing
Wrong verb form
crossed
show examples
 with the export trading. Compared to Japan's trading with Australia, the values of
Australian
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dollars
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 are mostly stable which are delivering goods abroad on average of 10
Australian
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dollars
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 the contrast is on average of 20,2
Australian
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
. In the same vein, regarding trading with Japan, the data show different changes,
while
Linking Words
 imports remained stable;
however
Linking Words
 slowly declined
at the end
Linking Words
 of the year
just
Change preposition
to just
show examples
 under 20 A$
billion
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, beginning at 20 A$
billion
Use synonyms
, the exports reached
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 peak in 2008 which
more
Add a missing verb
was more
show examples
 than 40 A$
billion
Use synonyms
, but
then
Linking Words
 declined significantly in 2009 to about 30 A$
billion
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end, on the other hand, while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 71%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words australian, dollars, billion with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stable" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slowly" was used 2 times.
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