Young people spend less of their free time with their family nowadays. What are the reasons for this? Are there more negative or positive sides to this trend?

In the modern era, individuals are getting more isolated from their families.

This

issue has some reasons and a lot of negative consequences which fully outweigh the positive ones and I am going to explain more about them in the rest of

this

essay.

To begin

with, a vast array of things can lead to separation from family.

Firstly

, jobs are getting more time-consuming compared to before and leave less time for people to be with their relatives.

Secondly

, the internet

and

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

particularly social media,

offer

Correct subject-verb agreement

offers

show examples

more enticing things rather than being with family and

hence

, individuals are lured into that. In 2022,

For example

, some research indicated that fellas devote two times more time to social media compared to meeting their family members.

Finally

, making friends has become a lot easier than before which makes teenagers preferring to be with their peers rather than their parents.

This

trend has a lot more disadvantages than benefits. Fellows who do not visit their relatives are exposed to mental disorders, indeed. Seeing people in person can stimulate parts of the brain related to happiness and

therefore

, make us happy. When I went to another city

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

last

summer,

for example

, I used to feel isolated and depressed which forced me to come back to my town after two weeks.

Additionally

, sometimes family members play the role of a supervisor in our lives. So, without them, there is a great chance for members of society to stray from their main targets and make some bad friends.

To conclude

, paying less attention to

family

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the family

show examples

has numerous

reason

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reasons

show examples

and I believe its drawbacks totally outweigh its advantages.

Submitted by yasinisback8 on Sun Apr 28 2024

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Task Achievement

Develop your arguments fully. While you made valid points, deeper analysis or more varied examples could strengthen your essay.

Coherence & Cohesion

Pay attention to paragraphing. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea, supported by specific examples or explanations.

Coherence & Cohesion

Vary your sentence structures to enhance readability and coherence. Using a mix of complex and simple sentences can make your essay more engaging.

Introduction

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Supporting Examples

Provided relevant examples to support your arguments, enhancing the essay's persuasiveness.

Conclusion

Your conclusion effectively summarised your main points and reiterated your stance, rounding off the essay nicely.

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

273 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

independence
individualistic values
proliferation
engage
extracurricular activities
weakened family bonds
traditional values
self-reliant
social network
personal and professional growth

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