Some people say the government should not put money into building theatres and sports stadiums; they should spend more money on medical care and education. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #government #money #theatres #sports #stadiums #care #education

Nowadays, many

people

argue that the

government

should invest money in health services and education

instead

of art and

sport related

Add a hyphen

sport-related

show examples

construction. Personally, I completely disagree with

this

view

due to

two primary reasons.

Firstly

, the idea of ignoring building theatres and stadiums can lead to the lack of

countries

Fix the agreement mistake

country

show examples

facilities.

This

can be explained by the growing demands of the development

Change preposition

show examples

sports and

musics

Change the wording

music

kinds of music

pieces of music

show examples

This

can be seen in the case that humans are wealthier at present compared to the past

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

that

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

we are paying more attention to different forms of entertainment to enrich ourselves with

another kind

Fix the agreement mistake

other kinds

show examples

of knowledge

instead

of core prospects like education or health.

As a result

, the

government

needs to have a budget for amusement activities in order to suit modern proclivity. What’s more,

due to

some legislation,

government

expenditures have already contained spending for the medical and education system, which do not need to be taken from other sectors. To illustrate, different kinds of enjoyment play an important role in stimulating inhabitants to enjoy leisure after hours of work. The shortage of these infrastructures is one of the culprits of stress and

lead

Correct subject-verb agreement

leads

show examples

to a barrage of tragic outcomes.

For instance

, in Japan,

people

are working day and night to make profitable use of their time in negative ways, so that a large number of

people

forwent their lives and committed

sucide

Correct your spelling

suicide

Therefore

, it is crucial that the

government

invest in art and sports to promote happiness. In conclusion, I strongly believe that it is senseless for governments to deprive money from stadiums and theatres for other things. Because it can not serve the demand of their

people

and cause harmful effects.

Submitted by nguyetcat.dao on Mon Jan 22 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence & Cohesion

The overall logical structure of the essay is decent, but you could improve your coherence and cohesion by ensuring that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next. Additionally, each paragraph should have a clear main idea that is expanded upon with supporting details and examples.

Coherence & Cohesion

For the introduction and conclusion, you've done well to clearly state your position. Make sure to reiterate your main points in the conclusion to reinforce your argument.

Task Achievement

To better support your main points, include more specific examples and evidence. Use real-world cases to illustrate your points and strengthen your argument. Avoid general statements and strive to provide concrete information that relates directly to the topic.

Task Achievement

While your essay addresses the task, work on developing your ideas more comprehensively. Aim for depth over breadth in your discussion, which will naturally extend your essay and add complexity to your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

281 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

4.5
band
Some people think that all lawbreakers should be taken into prison. In contrast, others believe there are better alternatives (for example, doing work or learning skills in the community). Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Over recent years there have been discussions on wheather the law breakers should be punished by putting them in prison or should teach them the leson by putting them in community services or learning. Although, there are arguments on both sides but I strongly believe that the consequences should be decided based on the intensity of commited crime.
5
band
Children are now facing educational, social, and commercial pressure. What are the causes of these pressures? What measures can be taken to reduce them?
The rising of internet and social media has bring significant effects not only on adults but also on children. It lead them to have to deal with pressures in education, social, and commercial since an early age.
6.5
band
These days more and more people are going to other countries for a significant period of time either to find a job or study. There are clearly may benefits to doing this, but people who live abroad can also face some difficulties. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of living and working in a foreign country.
n modern times, there is a growing trend towards immigrating to a foreign country for an extended time period to achieve goals both professionally and academically. While this trend can be associated with some drawbacks, I would argue that there are obviously several benefits regarding various positive characteristics.
4.5
band
In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?
Horticulture goes way back to the pre-historic era, as it was one of the ancient occupations ever to exist up until today. With the development of the technologies as well as science agriculture is still one of the main incomes of many citizens as well as countries as there are lot of importing and exporting goods to every corner of the world. Through out the years, after addressing lot of challenges made to the nature, climate and the environment, still agriculture keeps moving forward. But the irony is that still there are people in some part of the world still suffer from hunger and malnutrition.
6
band
In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
People have different opinions on whether to construct new railway lines or make an improvement to existing public transportation. I reckon that it is worthwhile to invest more in the new railroads instead of enhancing the original public transit system.

Some people say the government should not put money into building theatres and sports stadiums; they should spend more money on medical care and education. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Fully explain your ideas

Some people think that all lawbreakers should be taken into prison. In contrast, others believe there are better alternatives (for example, doing work or learning skills in the community). Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Children are now facing educational, social, and commercial pressure. What are the causes of these pressures? What measures can be taken to reduce them?

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.