IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

22/1 The graph below gives information about the price of bananas in four countries between 1994 and 2004.

22/1 The graph below gives information about the price of bananas in four countries between 1994 and 2004.
#information #price #bananas #four #countries
This
 line graph illustrates the different prices of bananas for each kilogram in Japan, France,
Germany
 and
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 from 1994 to 2004.
Overall
, the data reveals the prices fluctuated in Japan and France,
in contrast
, there were no significant changes in
Germany
 and
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 throughout the period. In the first year, the
price
 was about 1.8 US
dollars
 in Japan,
however
, the number surged to nearly 3
dollars
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 year.
Then
 it dropped to 2
dollars
 and slightly fluctuated until
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
it dipped in 2001, which decreased to about 1.6
dollars
. After the dip, the
price
 grew to 2.5 in 2004.
Similarly
, France's
price
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 fluctuated dramatically in the
last
 5 years. In
this
 period, it started at 1.6
dollars
, the lowest
price
 was 1
dollars
Change to a singular noun
dollar
show examples
 in 2003, and the highest was 1.8 in 2001.
In contrast
, both
Germany
 and
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 had no obvious fluctuation over the period.
USA
Correct article usage
The USA
show examples
 started at nearly 1
dollars
Change to a singular noun
dollar
show examples
 and ended up at 1.1
dollars
,
similarly
, the
price
 in
Germany
 was 1.4
dollars
 and became 1.2
dollars
 in the
last
 year.
Submitted by chaoweikevin on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in contrast, last, similarly".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words germany, usa, price, dollars with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "dipped" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "fluctuated" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • price fluctuation
  • steady increase/decrease
  • significant rise/drop
  • trend
  • noticeable
  • comparison
  • contrast
  • highest
  • lowest
  • throughout the period
  • stable
  • volatile
  • potential reasons
What to do next:
Look at other essays: