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In the past, knowledge was contained in books. Nowadays, knowledge is upload to the internet. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#books #upload #internet #outweigh
Childhood "experience" and "learning" determine someone's personality and ascertainment to prosper in
life
. Some people believe that
children
 in wealthy
families
 are over-indulged and do not learn many important lessons to face
future
 challenges
while
 middle-class and lower-middle-class
families
 better prepare their
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
show examples
. Personally, I believe that better parenting, regardless of family wealth or status, is more important.
To begin
 with,
children
 from less wealthy
families
 learn to face difficulties in
life
 from early childhood. They know that they need to work hard to succeed in
life
, and they start to appreciate the value of
money
 and time. It gives them a competitive advantage to face
life
 in the
future
.
For instance
, the highest scorer in our college was from a lower-middle-class family and he devoted most of his time to study. He valued excellent academic results more than most students from wealthy
families
. He was convinced that the only way to get out of their financial problems was to become the top scorer and have a better career in the
future
. No doubt,
this
 determination, hard work and
mind-setup
Correct your spelling
mindset
show examples
 will help him become successful in
life
. Reversely,
children
 from wealthy
families
, most of the time, get better facilities, education and career opportunities. Despite being an average student, Patrick, one of my classmates, got admitted to the best private university in our country.
This
 exemplifies that he has a better career prospect than the top scorer in our college. So, the connection, influence and
money
 that rich
families
 own often help them better educate their
children
while
also
 giving them a head start in
life
. Personally, I believe that parenting is more important than having and spending
money
 on
children
. It is not always the
money
 that makes someone successful and a good citizen. When parents implant good qualities among
children
, these qualities alone can make a difference in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
To conclude
, though it is generally believed that
children
 from less fortunate
families
 are better prepared for the
future
, I believe that proper parenting is far more important than any other factor.
Submitted by hussaintobangash on

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task achievement
Ensure you address the essay prompt directly and stay on topic throughout your response. Your essay drifts away from the initial statement about knowledge being transferred from books to the internet, which could impact your Task Achievement score.
coherence cohesion
Develop a consistent and logical structure in your essays with clear topic sentences for each paragraph to enhance coherence. While your essay shows an attempt at logical structuring, the ties between the paragraphs could be stronger and more focused on addressing the prompt.
coherence cohesion
Use a variety of cohesive devices and transitional phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs. There is some use of these, but increasing their diversity and accuracy could improve the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your introduction and conclusion are clearly defined and reflect the content of your essay properly. They should present your stance clearly and summarize the key points made, respectively.
task achievement
Provide clear, comprehensive ideas that are relevant to the task at hand. You introduced concepts surrounding children's upbringing and wealth, which were not directly related to the essay question. Focus on the main ideas that directly address the task.
task achievement
Incorporate specific, relevant examples that support the main points of your essay. The examples used seem to address a different topic (children's upbringing and success) rather than the comparison between knowledge in books and on the internet.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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