IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Many cities have become less pleasant places to live in recent years. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

#cities #places #years
Nowadays, gathering the comfort of a house to live in
was
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 a bit difficult. There are several factors that cause
this
 to happen. In
this
 essay, I will argue the causes and provide solutions to the given topics.
To begin
 with, there are a number of reasons that impact the quality of
life
 in a city.
For instance
, overpopulation, which means increased demand for food, housing and transport, was one of the main causes of declining living standards.
With
Change preposition
In
show examples
 more
details
Fix the agreement mistake
detail
show examples
, people from rural areas used to work in their
hometown
Fix the agreement mistake
hometowns
show examples
 and still can not afford the cost of
life
.
However
, urbanization happens to provide
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
life
, lower poverty, and inequality
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 urbanization rise.
Moreover
, urbanization affects the lack of spaces and traffic issues will be more,
thus
 the comfort of living in cities will decrease. Regarding the solutions to the mentioned problems, regulating sustainable urban planning is a viable option.
For instance
, the government should promote affordable housing options and promote environmental awareness among city residents.
Initially
 , it is important to focus on well-designed regulations for built-up areas
while
also
 preserving natural areas in the capital and giving more public transportation to create a better quality of
life
.
Moreover
, it can still decrease air pollution from the street. In short, applying services can convince people to enjoy their
life
, which is the comfort housing region.
Submitted by rossdannisa on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay provided a general response to the prompt, but could benefit from further expansion and depth. Consider giving more detailed explanations, and include a wider range of relevant examples to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
You should aim to create a more logically structured essay by organizing your ideas into clear paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph has a central idea and that ideas flow coherently from one to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Be sure to include an introduction and a conclusion that clearly define the scope of your essay and summarize your main points effectively. This will help to improve the overall logical structure of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
To more effectively support your main points, provide specific examples and evidence. This could include statistics, real-world examples, or expert opinions that are directly related to the causes and solutions of your topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: