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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays many people choose to be self employed, rather than to work for a organization.What might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self employed.

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In
this
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 recent era, Nowadays all youths want to become entrepreneurs rather than
work
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 in a company. In
this
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 essay ,I will discuss the reason why
people
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 are interested in working independently
along with
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 the disadvantages of
this
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 statement by taking some examples from newspapers and journals.
To begin
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 with,
Instead
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 of working for an organization
people
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 are interested in starting their own
business
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 because of a few reasons.
Firstly
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,
People
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 think that they can make more money in
business
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 rather than being in a job.
secondly
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, these days
people
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 do not have patience and
as a result
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, they do not want to
work
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 under another person.
For instance
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 , a survey done by Times Magazine revealed that 80% of the young generation are willing to start their own
business
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 because they want to
work
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 independently.
on the other hand
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, The disadvantage of becoming
a
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an
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 entrepreneur without any knowledge or experience can be a reason for the failure of his
business
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.
Furthermore
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, if an individual is not prospering in his
work
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 and is not able to live a joyful life
then
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this
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 failure can indulge him in diseases
such
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 as stress ,depression and anxiety.
As a result
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, sometimes
people
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 want to commit suicide because they can't face society.
To conclude
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, Everyone has a right to choose their own career whether they want to
work
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 for a company or they are willing to do their own
business
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 . I believe that parents should encourage their children before starting their own
work
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 you should get some
work
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 experience as learning it will be helpful in future.

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Introduction & Conclusion
Ensure that the introduction clearly presents the topic and outlines the main points that you will discuss. Additionally, aim to have a conclusion that not only summarizes key arguments but also clearly states your own viewpoint.
Cohesion & Logical Flow
Work on creating a more logical flow of ideas throughout the essay. Use a range of cohesive devices and transition words to link ideas and paragraphs together more effectively.
Supporting Examples
Support your main points with relevant examples that are directly connected to the issues at hand. Ensure these examples are specific and clear, and that they emphasize your arguments effectively.
Task Response
Fully address all parts of the task, ensuring that you discuss each point in enough detail. Expand on your ideas to provide comprehensive answers to what is asked, while keeping the response relevant to the topic.
Grammar & Punctuation
Mind your punctuation and sentence structure; avoid using run-on sentences or comma splices. Begin sentences with capital letters and check for common grammatical errors.
Lexical Resource & Sentence Variety
Try to have a range of sentence structures and a vivid vocabulary throughout the essay to clearly communicate your ideas and to keep the writing engaging.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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