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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Today, many people don’t know their neighbours in large cities. What problems does this cause? What can be done about this?

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Socialisation in modern cities is a crucial topic to be discussed nowadays because numerous individuals find it arduous to know their
neighbours
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due to
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 two reasons, namely workloads and limited
time
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as well as
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 energy. In order to address
this
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 obstacle, some moments can be created and in
this
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 essay, I will explain
further
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 about
this
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 and the major rationales of
this
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 phenomenon in detail. The most notable reason why people living in a metropolitan city are unable to socialise with their neighbourhoods is because they are busier than members of society in rural areas. It occurs since they have to work from 9 to 5 in their workplaces and sometimes can be overtime until midnight.
As a result
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, they do not have
time
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 and energy to engage with other people, including their
neighbours
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.
This
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 prevalent phenomenon,
for instance
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, is happening in Jakarta as many individuals there tend to focus more on their lives because of work responsibilities. In order to overcome
this
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 issue, having similar activities,
such
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 as a routine gathering or party, is necessary in order to build robust bonds with each other.
This
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 notion has been implemented in my society for nearly ten years and has been effective in getting to know other
neighbours
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.
Besides
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 doing
this
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, the authorities in the area can
also
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 initiate a competition on a special occasion, namely the independence day.
This
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 applies in many Indonesian regions and scientifically proves that connecting members of the public with competition,
for example
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, eating meatballs, racing, and looking for particular goods, is able to improve their relationships because it requires teamwork.
To conclude
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, the
time
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 and energy of people in a big city are occupied with their workload, so they have an inadequate moment to know their
neighbours
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. To accomplish
this
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 problem, spending
time
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together with
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 the same activities,
such
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 as parties and competitions, is necessary.

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task achievement
Make sure that the essay directly addresses the question and stays on topic throughout. Be careful not to diverge into related but separate issues.
coherence and cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices and paragraphing appropriately to ensure the essay flows logically from introduction to conclusion.
task achievement
Provide a balanced argument by discussing both sides of the issue equally, including discussing potential problems and solutions.
task achievement
Ensure clear thesis and topic sentences to guide the reader through your argument, supporting each point with specific examples and explanations.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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