Many people believe that increasing levels of violence on television and in films is having a direct result on levels of violence in society. Others claim that violence in society is the result of more fundamental social problems such as unemployment. How much do you think society is affected by violence in the media?
Since the beginning of the human race,
violence
has been a problem and a method that many of us has
recurred to,whether it has been at a moment of stress or when things simply don´t go Change the verb form
have
they
way we want them. Some people believe that Correct your spelling
the
violence
is a direct consequence of fundamental social problems such
as unemployment and others believe that the increasing levels of violence
in the media is having
a direct result in today's society. I think that both of them are part of the same coin but social messes might be more important because as we´ve seen in history, the most violent periods occur when social complications are not taken into account properly.
Wrong verb form
have
To begin
, research has shown that fictional television, film violence
and even television news, all have shown an increase in savagery and brute force, principally in the form of suicide and aggression, however
, as well as
that, social troubles like a history of violent victimazation
are probably more important than entertainment Correct your spelling
victimization
violence
. To illustrate, even to this
day there are huge communities of Jews that are repulsive and hateful to german
citizens just for the fact of them being Capitalize word
German
germans
.
Capitalize word
Germans
Furthermore
social difficulties Add a comma
Furthermore,
such
as poverty, that
make children more vulnerable to things likeCorrect pronoun usage
which
:
child Remove the comma
apply
labor
, prostitution, sex trafficking and recruitment as soldiers, will make the kids Change the spelling
labour
to
grow up with untreated traumatic events, being more likely to develop a mental illness or to start abusing substances. All of which correlate directly with Change the verb form
apply
violence
and unhappiness.
To summarise both media violence
and fundamental social issues are key factors of violence
, nevertheless
, i
think that social worries are more of an important matter Change the capitalization
I
due to
the effects they have on people, hence
, it
should be addressed first.Correct pronoun usage
they
Submitted by alonsoddel78 on
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introduction
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents the topic and your viewpoint. While you've addressed the general ideas, offering a clear thesis statement early on will help readers understand your position from the beginning.
coherence
Work on structuring your essay with clear paragraphs: an introduction, at least two body paragraphs discussing each view, and a conclusion. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that you use cohesive devices appropriately to guide the reader through your argument.
examples
Back up your points with clear explanations and specific, relevant examples. You touched on the impact of social issues like poverty, but further elaboration and concrete examples would strengthen your argument.
task response
Be careful with generalizations and unsupported claims. Statements like 'huge communities of Jews that are repulsive and hateful to german citizens' can be seen as oversimplifications and might be offensive. Stick to factual information and make sure to support your arguments with evidence or specific studies where possible.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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