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Band 8

In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#countries #people #work #travel #year #school #university #studies
It is quite common these days for young people in many countries to have a break from studying after graduating from high school.
This
 trend is not restricted to rich students who have the money to travel but is
also
 evident among poorer students who choose to work and become economically independent for a period of time. The reasons for
this
 trend may involve the recognition that a young adult who passes directly from school to university is rather restricted in terms of general knowledge and experience of the world.
By contrast
, those who have spent some time earning a living or travelling to other places have a broader view of life and better personal resources to draw on. They tend to be more independent, which is a very important factor in academic study and research,
as well as
 giving them an advantage in terms of coping with the challenges of student life.
However
, there are certainly dangers in taking time off at that important age. Young adults may end up never returning to their studies or finding it difficult to re-adapt to an academic environment. They may think that it is better to continue in a particular job or to do something completely different from a university course. But
overall
, I think
this
 is less likely today when academic qualifications are essential for getting a reasonable career. My view is that young people should be encouraged to broaden their horizons.
That is
 the best way for them to get a clear perspective of what they are hoping to do with their lives and why. Students with
such
 a perspective are usually the most effective and motivated ones and taking a year off may be the best way to gain
this
.
Submitted by binyang212 on

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coherence cohesion
To enhance the logical structure, ensure that each paragraph clearly introduces its main idea and that there is a smooth transition between paragraphs. Use cohesive devices to link ideas more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Although the introduction and conclusion are present and clear, they could be strengthened to better encapsulate the key advantages and disadvantages discussed in the essay. Summarize the main points more succinctly in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
While main points are supported, it would be beneficial to include more specific examples or evidence to reinforce the arguments made about the advantages and disadvantages of taking a year off.
task achievement
Your response to the task is competent, but try to address all parts of the prompt more evenly to strengthen your argument. Ensure that both advantages and disadvantages are fully explored and balanced.
task achievement
Ideas within the essay are clear and comprehensive. To further improve, ensure that each main idea is fully developed with in-depth analysis and discussion.
task achievement
To improve the relevance and impact of your examples, include personal experiences or anecdotal evidence, statistical data, or notable case studies to substantiate your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural immersion
  • Life experience
  • Work ethic
  • Career readiness
  • Self-discovery
  • Delayed gratification
  • Intellectual stagnation
  • Financial implications
  • Social dynamics
  • Academic trajectory
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