IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Government should focus their spending on public services rather than on the arts (e.g music and painting). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#government #focus #services #arts #e #g #music
A common discussion about authorities should allocate funds solely to social amenities without artistic fields. The writer concurs with the latter point of view that the arts play a part-taking role in cultural perseverance and educational value. To commence with, using expenses on art infrastructures supports the maintenance of a country’s culture. To elucidate, the authorities should be responsible for the well-being of historical buildings in order to fulfil the general duty of preserving previous legacies, which is more crucial compared to current facilities.
Therefore
,
this
 strategy would instil a sense of patriotism in each citizen,
as well as
 boost the lucrative economic aspect of tourism.
This
 is true in Vietnam, regardless of well or
under
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prevalent of ancient work, the government still emphasize the maintenance and protection of the essence of their nation’s mother nature, advocating the long-term tradition of showing respect to previous legends. Another point worth considering is the promotion of educational value.
In other words
, by allocating funds to art fields rather than public facilities, the education system will inherit
from
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this
 precious knowledge, which propels the quality of teaching and hands-on experience in study.
Hence
, more and more people will have authentic access to these triumph locations that enhance cognitive ability
along with
 tangible memorization.
While
this
 is practical in the US,
the
Correct article usage
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mount Rushmore plays an indispensable role in education, where most document contexts are replaced by a trip to
this
 site for a better perception of learning.
To conclude
, it is better for the authorities to spend their subsidies on art subjects rather than public services.
This
 is mainly
due to
 the benefits of education and to fulfil cultural perseverance.

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task achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion and supports it with relevant examples. However, ensure that both sides of the argument are addressed to enhance the depth of your discussion. This could involve acknowledging the importance of public services and why they might also deserve funding.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure, but ensuring even more explicit transitions between paragraphs could improve clarity. For instance, try using phrases like 'on the other hand' or 'furthermore' to make connections between your ideas clearer.
task achievement
While your main points are supported, try to develop them with more specific examples and explanations to fully convey your argument. Delving deeper into your examples can help make your essay more compelling.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly sets out the writer's stance, providing a clear context for the essay.
introduction conclusion present
The essay concludes effectively by summarizing the main reasons for the opinion stated. This reinforces the reader's understanding of your viewpoint.
relevant specific examples
Relevant examples such as those from Vietnam and the US are provided, adding authenticity to the arguments presented.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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