IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task Write about the following topic •Inventors are not as important to society as doctors •To what extent do you agree with this statement Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#minutes #topic #•inventors #society #doctors #•to
It is undeniable that we are living in an era that has become easier thanks to inventions and experts.
People
 hold the notion that
doctors
 are more necessary than
inventors
 in our lives.
Whereas
, some
people
 do not believe that. I, personally, partly agree with two ideas, which will be discussed in the following paragraphs. On the one hand,
inventors
 have many benefits to the
community
.
For instance
, some inventions help
people
 save time very much
such
 as washing machines, air-conditioned, television,... The washing machine helps society a lot because
people
 do not need to wash clothes with their hands as they did in the past.
Moreover
, the Internet, which is created by
inventors
, plays an indispensable role in making life more convenient. It is true that we can not imagine our life without smartphones. It helps connect
people
 in the
community
 together and helps
people
 update the information about the whole world faster.
It is clear that
 without the
inventors
, human life can not be as comfortable as it is now.
On the other hand
, we can not deny that
doctors
 are
also
 important to our
community
 because
doctors
 act as those who directly carry out the task using the mechanism invented by
inventors
. As for medical inventions,
doctors
 make things come true on a large scale. Sick
people
 receive medicine as vaccines from
doctors
.
Besides
,
people
also
 come to the hospital to meet the doctor when they do not feel good about their health. For illustrate, in COVID-19, many
people
 were affected by death and diseases. At
this
 time, nobody else than the doctor is the one who can
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 the biggest mission of protecting our nation from epidemics. In
this
 situation, we can see that
doctors
 devote their greatly to the sake of well beings of society. In conclusion, I think both
doctors
 and
inventors
 are equally important because
inventors
 help provide effective mechanisms for our lives.
While
doctors
 are the ones who keep the health of
people
.
Hence
, I suppose that what actually matters is that
inventors
 and
doctors
 should be considered to be equally crucial so that they can join hands for the same purpose that makes the
community
 more developed.
Submitted by jakelong16091994 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure a clear and direct thesis statement in your introduction to guide the reader on your stance more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Incorporate a wider range of linking phrases to enhance the flow between ideas and paragraphs, moving beyond basic connectors like 'Moreover', 'Besides', and 'For instance'.
task achievement
Strengthen your argument by providing more diverse and concrete examples, especially those that directly relate to your personal experiences or observations.
coherence and cohesion
Although you have included an introduction and conclusion, make sure they are more impactful by succinctly summarizing your key points and reinforcing your stance in a memorable way.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: