2. Today children are surrounded by electronic devices such as personal computers, tablet computers, and smart phones, and they learn to use them at a very early age. What are advantages and disadvantages of this situation?
The usage of gadgets
such
as laptops, tablets, and cell phones has become common among young ages. While
some emphasise that these devices
include benefits, I disagree with this
notion as the advantages cannot overwhelm the crucial drawbacks they include.
Electronic devices
could enhance language
skills and expand technological proficiency. People could install applications where numerous users create educational videos for the world of children with diverse language
services. For example
, the series of
“Barbie” has been released in over 20 languages for young generations on Netflix and YouTube. By watching videos in both Korean and English, children could not only be exposed to their first but Change preposition
apply
also
second language
, improving language
skills without studying abroad or an English academy.
However
, there is a notable drawback that cannot be ignored to be a member of the society. Our society is consistent with community activities, which require communication with others. If people start to be familiar with sharing ideas through a screen, there is a possibility that their communication capability cannot be fulfilled. Furthermore
, they may lessen the time to speak with friends or families face to face. As a result
, the rise of online usage on devices
could create barriers of
conversations with a variety of words and appropriate body postures.
In conclusion, young generations have become familiar with using screens from earlier ages. Even though it may be practical to expose them to several languages, it could not help them to improve verbal skills that should be built up in childhood. Change preposition
to
Therefore
, young ages should be allowed to take advantage of devices
appropriately.Submitted by ekgus2309 on
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task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your standpoint; however, ensure both sides of the argument are summarized for a more balanced view.
task achievement
Your ideas are generally clear but try to develop them more thoroughly to avoid any ambiguity. Expand your reasoning and add more examples to strengthen your points.
coherence cohesion
While your essay has a logical structure, transitioning between points smoothly can improve the overall flow. Use more transitional phrases to link your ideas seamlessly.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph sticks to one main idea and that supporting details are directly related to it. This will enhance coherence and clarity.
task achievement
Your points regarding language development and technological proficiency are clearly supported with relevant examples such as the 'Barbie' series.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion which help frame the essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.