IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?Because modern life is very complex, it is essential for young people to have the ability to plan and organize. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

#life #people #ability #plan #support
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There has been a debate about whether young people should master the ability to
plan
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 and organize in order to survive in
this
Linking Words
 complex world. If I were forced to choose, I would take the side of those who say yes. I feel
this
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 way for several reasons that I will
further
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 explain in the subsequent paragraphs. First and foremost, the ability to
plan
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 and organize is essential regardless of the era in which we live. I remember a quote from decades ago that said, "If you fail to
plan
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, you
plan
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 to fail."
This
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 quote
further
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 supports the importance of planning for everything. To illustrate the importance of planning in every situation, I will use my own experience. A fortnight ago, I planned to visit my parents by
car
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. Since the distance was quite far, I had to bring my
car
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 to the dealer to prepare it for the long trip. During the journey, there was an accident on the road. A vehicle crashed and spilled oil on the roads. Thankfully, I had repaired my
car
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 and was using brand-new tires, so I could cross the road safely. If I had not planned to repair my
car
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 beforehand, I might have slipped when crossing the oil-covered road.
Secondly
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, these abilities are essential in the professional world. If we want to succeed, we must master them from an early age. Clients will not take us seriously if we cannot
plan
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 and organize something perfectly. Again, I will illustrate
this
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 using my own experience. I work at a small advertising company. Two months ago, we participated in a competition to create a campaign for a certain product. We had to compete with several other companies.
Besides
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 planning a suitable
plan
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 for the campaign, we
also
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 had to present the
plan
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 to the board of directors. To make
this
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 project successful, I created a
plan
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 with a relatively moderate budget to advertise the product. On the final day, they announced that our company had won the competition because the board thought our
plan
Use synonyms
 was the best. If I did not have good planning abilities, we might have lost to the other participants.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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task response
In terms of task achievement, your essay demonstrates a clear position throughout the response, effectively addressing the prompt with a complete argument. To enhance your score further, ensure a balanced development of ideas with a deeper exploration of the implications and nuances surrounding your points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay exhibits a logical sequence with clear progression of ideas, yet you could improve coherence by using a wider range of cohesive devices and arranging paragraphs in a way that showcases complexity and fully articulated argumentation.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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