online shopping has various advantages for consumers but may also have disadvantages, such as the loss of some individual privacy. do the advantages of online shopping for the consumers outweight the disadvantages ?

Some authorities think that it is more favourable for individuals to buy products using online
platform
Fix the agreement mistake
platforms
show examples
whereas
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others
opposite
Replace the word
oppose
show examples
this
view because of private information privacy.
This
essay will argue that the advantages of
this
outweigh the drawbacks. The essay will first demonstrate that the habbit of purchasing
good
Fix the agreement mistake
goods
show examples
through
internet
Correct article usage
an internet
show examples
platform is
convenience
Replace the word
convenient
show examples
for
customer
Fix the agreement mistake
customers
show examples
and allows them to get cheap
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
with high quality, followed by an analysis of how the primary disadvantage, namely private information privacy could be
adressed
Correct your spelling
addressed
. The main reason to start buying products by using internet software is enabling
buyer
Fix the agreement mistake
buyers
show examples
to get
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
with
less price
Fix the agreement mistake
lower prices
show examples
yet higher quality than buying
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
offlines
Correct your spelling
offline
show examples
.
That is
to say that with the advancement of technology,
producer
Fix the agreement mistake
producers
show examples
or
distributor
Fix the agreement mistake
distributors
show examples
can directly sell their products to
customer
Fix the agreement mistake
customers
show examples
, and cut the distribution process to provide more competitive
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
.
For example
, people in
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
States can get
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
from China through Alibaba which is the biggest online marketplace in that country with the price of the
product
offered three times lower than the ones sold in giant
store
Fix the agreement mistake
stores
show examples
.
In addition
, purchasing goods by using
online
Correct article usage
an online
show examples
store is very easy to use, and people can do
this
activity just from their smartphone or laptop and wait
their
Change preposition
for their
show examples
inquiry sent,
instead
of driving to
offline
Correct article usage
an offline
show examples
store
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
will take time, effort and energy. Those opposed to
this
say that it causes a certain amount of
data
loss.
Although
this
can
be happen
Change the verb form
happen
show examples
because buyer
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
to submit their
data
, it could be resolved by strengthening the system security.
For instance
, Amazon and tokopedia which are popular
intenet
Correct your spelling
Internet
marketplaces,
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
improve
Change the verb form
improved
show examples
their system security by using two-factor
autherization
Correct your spelling
authentication
authorization
for their user
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
lead to
lower
Correct article usage
a lower
show examples
risk of
data
breech
Correct your spelling
breach
show examples
and increasing
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
user trust. In conclusion, the fact that many marketplace software like
amazon
Capitalize word
Amazon
show examples
and
tokopedia
Change the capitalization
Tokopedia
show examples
are using strong security
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
and two-factor
autherization
Correct your spelling
authorisation
for the safety of personal information clearly
outweights
Correct your spelling
outweighs
the flawed argument that it
leak
Change the verb form
leaks
show examples
someone
Change noun form
someone's
show examples
data
.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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language
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vocabulary
Use a broader range of vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely and avoid repetition of simple words.
coherence cohesion
Work on developing clearer topic sentences to establish the content and direction of each paragraph.
task achievement
Ensure all arguments and examples are fully fleshed out to adequately support your points.
task achievement
Balance the discussion of advantages and disadvantages to provide a more comprehensive argument.
coherence cohesion
Organize your ideas more effectively by using paragraphs strategically and employing a range of linking words.
language
Avoid spelling and punctuation errors to enhance the readability of the essay.
task achievement
Ensure that the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates your position clearly.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • E-commerce
  • Cybersecurity
  • Impulse purchasing
  • Data encryption
  • Consumer behavior
  • Sustainable practices
  • Customer reviews
  • Retail therapy
  • Digital footprint
  • Brick-and-mortar
  • Encryption
  • Phishing
  • User-friendly interface
  • Comparison shopping
  • Product authenticity
  • Personal data protection
  • Eco-friendly packaging
What to do next:
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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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