IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

It is difficult for people living in cities to get enough physical exercise. What are the causes and what solutions can be taken to solve the problem? (Health)

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Nowadays, citizens who live in cities hardly get enough
workouts
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.
This
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 is because they are likely to have a high workflow and it is pretty expensive to register as members of the
gym
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. To tackle these problems,
people
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 can do their
exercise
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 at home and try to improve their
time
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 management.
People
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 who are living in metropolitan areas are likely to have corporate jobs. Which demands them to work for long periods of
time
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.
For example
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, I live in Jakarta, it is the capital city of Indonesia and most of the
people
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 in my city, work from 8 AM to 5 PM.
Then
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, they still have deadlines that they need to finish at home. So it is pretty difficult for them to have
a
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apply
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proper physical
exercise
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.
Furthermore
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, workout facilities like the
gym
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 it is very common in cities. A
gym
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,
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apply
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is a workout place filled with a variety of machines that help
people
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 gain muscle mass and keep their bodies fit.
However
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, registering as a
gym
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 member is quite expensive and most of the
gym
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 only provides a one-year subscription. If
people
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 want to move to another place they can not return their money.
Thus
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, there are still many
people
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 who can afford to be one of the members. In order to tackle these problems,
people
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 can do their own
workouts
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 at home by searching for videos on YouTube. Which is an application, where
people
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 can post and see a variety of videos. There are a lot of
people
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 who share tips for doing
exercise
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 without using any equipment.
Then
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, if
people
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 still struggling to get enough
time
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 for a workout they need to improve their
time
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 management by using a planner. In a planner,
people
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 can write their work deadlines and their free
time
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, so they can arrange their schedules and able to put
workouts
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 in their timelines.
To sum up
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,
people
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 who live in cities are not likely to get enough physical
exercise
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. Because most of them have a high workload and hardly find an affordable
gym
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. These issues can be solved by improving their
time
Use synonyms
 management and doing
workouts
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 at their own place.

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logical structure
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supported main points
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clear comprehensive ideas
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relevant specific examples
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Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Recreational facilities
  • Urban planning
  • Active commuting
  • Public awareness
  • Green spaces
  • Pedestrian infrastructure
  • Work-life balance
  • Gamification
  • Incentivizing
  • Safety concerns
  • Technological reliance
  • Dietary habits
  • Workplace health programs
  • Motivational campaigns
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