Nowadays, people are not as fit and healthy as they used to be in the past which creates health issues in the long the run. What are the reasons? What can be done to solve this problem?

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Recently, many researchers have stated that the physique of
people
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in general is not as prime as before.
This
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condition
also
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causes them to be prone to sickness in the future. Personally, I believe the advancement of technology and the growth of fast food chains are two essential factors for that to happen.
However
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, it is possible for us to fix
this
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issue by moderating our behaviour and being more active in
life
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.
Firstly
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, for the
last
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50 years, technology has been growing quickly supporting us to do things in a more effective and efficient manner.
People
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require less and less work or energy to finish their jobs.
This
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easeness
also
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gives them more free time to spend on other daily
life
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activities.
However
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, many individuals rather spend their excess time on unproductive activities like watching TV and scrolling around the internet than do healthy tasks like sports.
Additionally
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,
people
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nowadays
also
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have easy access to fast-food restaurants. They are everywhere,
in addition
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to selling cheaper menus with faster serving time. Many
people
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who are attracted to that convenience are unaware of the health impact it has brought.
Furthermore
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,
this
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builds a bad consumption habit that could detriment their health in the long run.
However
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, we could avoid
this
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problem by implementing a self-moderation policy. Individuals should be able to enjoy
life
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by watching entertainment or eating junk food, but occasionally. It is
also
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suggested for us to do more physical activities.
This
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will help us balance our energy level and increase the production of happiness hormones, which in the end will improve the
overall
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of our
life
Use synonyms
quality.
Submitted by gurunnevada on

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Coherence and Cohesion
In terms of coherence and cohesion, organizing ideas into clear paragraphs with topic sentences is good practice. You should ensure that each paragraph focuses on one central idea. Additionally, using a range of cohesive devices such as conjunctions, synonyms, and referencing words would strengthen your essay.
Task Achievement
For task achievement, you're on the right track, but consider developing your ideas further with more specific examples. You could cite studies, statistics, or provide real-world scenarios to illustrate your points, which will make your arguments more persuasive and complete.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • physical inactivity
  • processed foods
  • caloric intake
  • obesity
  • cardiovascular diseases
  • diabetes
  • health awareness
  • preventive measures
  • corporate wellness programs
  • public health initiatives
  • behavioral change
  • motivational strategies
  • dietary choices
  • exercise regimen
  • urban planning
  • mental wellbeing
  • smart technology
  • genetic factors
  • personal accountability
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