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Writing Samples
Band 5

People living in the 21st century have a better quality of life than the previous centuries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #st #century #quality #life #centuries
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In today’s world,
people
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's living conditions have recently been improving compared to the older centuries thanks to the development of
technology
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. I agree that
people
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, at
the
Correct article usage
apply
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present, have
a
Correct article usage
apply
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better living
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
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.
This
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 essay will contribute facts to my statement. On one hand, it is believed that
people
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 bond together more without the help of
technology
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. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
previous times,
people
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 had a strong sense to protect,
improve
Correct word choice
and improve
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 local communities and share responsibilities. Another thing is THAT in the old times,
people
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 lived
in
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apply
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a slow-paced life. They lacked reliance on
technology
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therefore
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 they had time to enjoy and connect with other
people
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 and nature.
Furthermore
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,
people
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 usually interact with each other face-to-face.
This
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 led those
people
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 to connect between
a
Correct determiner usage
one
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 person and another and had a huge impact on
people
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's relationships.
On the other hand
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,
although
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 the connection with other
people
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 was strong, it is undeniable that the appearance of
technology
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 had a great impact on
people
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’s lives.
Due to
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 the presence of
technology
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, lots of living conditions have
updated
Verb problem
changed
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 drastically
such
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 as health care services, communications and
overall
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 conveniences.
People
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 living in the 21st century have the advantage
to absorb
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of absorbing
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 and
access
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accessing
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 new knowledge in the blink of an eye. They can educate themselves in various subjects and communicate with others globally without any difficulty.
Moreover
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,
people
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 will have more economic opportunities
such
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 as career prospects, investments and trades across the world, to enhance their living conditions, even the illiterate. In conclusion, the presence of
technology
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 has made the living quality of
people
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 easier and preferable in their lives than IN the older times.
Submitted by weezel on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a more coherent logical structure by using clear topic sentences that directly address the question and by adhering to one main idea per paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Improve the cohesiveness of the essay by using a wider range of linking words and phrases to better connect ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
Include a clear thesis statement in the introduction and a summary of main points in the conclusion to enhance task achievement.
task achievement
Develop ideas more thoroughly by elaborating on examples and explaining their relevance to the topic in greater depth.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Technological advancements
  • Healthcare improvements
  • Economic growth
  • Social changes
  • Global connectivity
  • Standard of living
  • Life expectancy
  • Gender equality
  • Legal rights
  • Globalization
  • Cultural exchange
  • Access to information
  • Environmental concerns
  • Sustainable development
  • Stress levels
  • Quality of life
  • Medical progress
  • Job opportunities
  • Income disparity
  • Life satisfaction
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