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Writing Samples
Band 7

Traffic jams are prevalent in many cities. What problems does it cause? What are the solutions?

#traffic #jams #cities
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It is a disturbing trend that many cities start suffering from
traffic
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 congestion.
As a result
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, it can cause
problems
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,
such
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 as
noise
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 pollution and worsening mental health of the city dwellers, but
this
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 predicament can be tackled with stricter regulations and higher gas
prices
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.
Firstly
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, the problem of
noise
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 pollution becomes uncontrollable mostly in countries that have tolerating laws of
transportation
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.
Moreover
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,
this
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 trend becomes even worse when the government allows young drivers to buy cheap motorcycles or cars and change the factory exhaust systems with aftermarket ones.
This
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 happens
as a consequence
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 of teens thinking that having a loud vehicle can bring attention and raise their social status, which is far from the truth.
Secondly
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, the mental health of the city livers can be damaged, and it occurs more and more often. The situation where
people
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 may experience mental breakdowns and depression can easily be caused by
traffic
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 congestion. To illustrate, those who work far from home and have to travel during rush hours will definitely feel anxiety and stress from spending their precious time in
traffic
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 jams on a daily basis, which results in mental illnesses. One effective way to deal with
traffic
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problems
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 is by developing strict regulations.
For example
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, harsher laws would stop
people
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 from tuning their vehicles as it would be illegal to do and the caused punishment would be the stopping factor. Another effective solution is to increase the price of fossil fuels.
In other words
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, high gas
prices
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 would force
people
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 to travel by buses or subways
instead
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 of personal
transportation
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due to
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 the cheaper price in prospect. In the US,
for instance
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, a hike in fuel
prices
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 makes
people
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 prefer public
transportation
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, which benefits both mental and
noise
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problems
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.
To conclude
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,
traffic
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 congestion can lead to serious
problems
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 like
noise
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 pollution and poor mental health;
however
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, it can be fixed by applying strict regulations and raising gas
prices
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. If
people
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 in general used public
transportation
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, living in cities would become better.
Submitted by s_syedy on

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Task Achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure you address all parts of the question. For instance, while you discuss problems and solutions, make sure to delve deeper into how these solutions specifically address the problems mentioned.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing to manage the logical structure of your essay. While your essay flows well, there can be improvements in linking ideas more explicitly.
Task Achievement
Offer more developed examples that support the points you make. This includes providing specific, real-life cases or statistical evidence that can make your arguments more convincing.
Task Achievement
Enhance your ideas by elaborating on them more comprehensively. Give further explanation or analysis to make them clearer and more detailed.
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