Many countries have compulsory military service for young men after they leave school. It would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men, and possibly for women too. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Several countries
such
as South Korea and Japan require their young men to do military service
after they graduate. Some people
argue that it is a great idea to be adopted in other countries, not only for males but also
for females. However
, I disagree with this
statement due to
several reasons.
Firstly
, it can be tough for some people
to join the military service
because a person's physical condition might be different from the others. Especially for women who had huge differences in physical condition compared to men. If they are forced to do military service
, the consequences might be fatal. They might suffer several injuries during the military service
. Not only for their physical health, but it might also
affect their mental health because military service
requires long-time training which can be mentally draining.
Secondly
, people
have the right to choose what they want to do after they graduate. Some people
might want to continue their studies to a higher degree, while
others want to get proper jobs and careers. It is important to note that not all people
have the same willingness to go to military service
because it does not align with their passions and interests. If they are forced to do so, their dreams will be buried and they will face dissatisfaction in their lives.
In conclusion, compulsory military service
should not be implemented in every country and gender because of numerous considerations such
as the physical and mental condition for
each person, and their passions and interests.Change preposition
of
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coherence cohesion
Introduce the essay with a clear thesis statement that outlines the arguments to be discussed. This provides a roadmap for the reader.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence and that the following sentences support this topic. This will aid in the logical structure of your argument.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas between and within paragraphs, making the argument more fluid.
task achievement
Give specific examples to support your arguments, such as real-world situations where compulsory military service has been beneficial or detrimental.
task achievement
Fully address the task by clearly stating if you agree or disagree and consistently maintain your position throughout the essay.
task achievement
To achieve task completion, ensure that you explore all relevant aspects of the question and develop your ideas thoroughly.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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