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Band 6.5

Many countries have compulsory military service for young men after they leave school. It would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men, and possibly for women too. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#countries #service #men #school #idea #system #women
Several countries
such
 as South Korea and Japan require their young men to do military
service
 after they graduate. Some
people
 argue that it is a great idea to be adopted in other countries, not only for males but
also
 for females.
However
, I disagree with
this
 statement
due to
 several reasons.
Firstly
, it can be tough for some
people
 to join the military
service
 because a person's physical condition might be different from the others. Especially for women who had huge differences in physical condition compared to men. If they are forced to do military
service
, the consequences might be fatal. They might suffer several injuries during the military
service
. Not only for their physical health, but it might
also
 affect their mental health because military
service
 requires long-time training which can be mentally draining.
Secondly
,
people
 have the right to choose what they want to do after they graduate. Some
people
 might want to continue their studies to a higher degree,
while
 others want to get proper jobs and careers. It is important to note that not all
people
 have the same willingness to go to military
service
 because it does not align with their passions and interests. If they are forced to do so, their dreams will be buried and they will face dissatisfaction in their lives. In conclusion, compulsory military
service
 should not be implemented in every country and gender because of numerous considerations
such
 as the physical and mental condition
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 each person, and their passions and interests.
Submitted by arnel4yt on

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coherence cohesion
Introduce the essay with a clear thesis statement that outlines the arguments to be discussed. This provides a roadmap for the reader.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence and that the following sentences support this topic. This will aid in the logical structure of your argument.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas between and within paragraphs, making the argument more fluid.
task achievement
Give specific examples to support your arguments, such as real-world situations where compulsory military service has been beneficial or detrimental.
task achievement
Fully address the task by clearly stating if you agree or disagree and consistently maintain your position throughout the essay.
task achievement
To achieve task completion, ensure that you explore all relevant aspects of the question and develop your ideas thoroughly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Compulsory
  • Military service
  • Conscription
  • Patriotism
  • National security
  • Social equality
  • Discipline
  • Physical fitness
  • Life skills
  • Job training
  • Infringement
  • Conscripts
  • Gender equality
  • Mandatory
  • Economy
  • Education system
  • Labor market
  • Civil service
  • Alternative forms
  • Balanced view
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