IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

You have a full time job and also doing part time evening course, You now find that you can not continue the course. Write a letter to your tutor. -Describe the situation. -Explain why you can not continue at this time. -Say what action you would like to take.

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Dear Mrs.Smith, Hope you are well. I am writing
this
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 letter concerning my part-time evening course
that
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is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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started
from
Change preposition
apply
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last
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 month in your college ,and I have participated in it.
I
Add a verb
I am
I was
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really keen to pursue my studies in your college.
However
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,a problem has arisen. As I explained before,my husband is away and I am in charge of both his office and the home,and I have
full-time
Add an article
a full-time
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 job as a secretary at a construction company as well. As you can imagine,I have really a hectic lifestyle and I have responded to many customers.
Hence
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,I do not have any me time and
also
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 have no time for my family.
therefore
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,all of these reasons are forcing me to cancel my evening course. I am sure that you would understand my circumstances and I want to give my extreme apology . I really appreciate your kindness
for
Change preposition
in
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 giving me an opportunity to study in your college for a
while
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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and ask you to accept my
cacelation
Correct your spelling
cancellation
. I look forward to hearing from you. Many thanks for your attention and cooperation on
this
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 subject. Yours faithfully, Sina Mousavi

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph contains one main idea and develop that idea fully.
coherence cohesion
The overall structure of the letter is logical, maintaining progression in your ideas; however, it may benefit from more explicit paragraphing to distinguish the introduction, situation explanation, and the requested action.
task achievement
The greeting and sign-off conventions are appropriate for the context, yet consider adding a subject line for more formal correspondence.
task achievement
Maintain a polite and formal tone consistently throughout the letter. Be cautious with informal expressions or contractions which may slip into the writing.
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