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IELTS essay, topic: Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#ielts #topic #museums #charge #admission #outweigh
Museums are a way of
education
, they use history, art and science to serve society and its development, providing us with knowledge, important discoveries, etc...In a utopian world, all
education
 should be free,
however
, it is not that simple.
This
 has generated debates arguing that one is better than the other. From my own standpoint, there is no right answer as it all depends on how the
museum
 is funded and people's
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
show examples
. To start, free museums help the ones not able to pay for a ticket, giving them free fact-checked
education
, that normally they wouldn't be able to get their hands on. If the
museum
 is funded nicely and it exists in an area where tax dollars and private donations pay the bills, it will have no necessity to establish a monetary charge and it can keep on improving the quality and relevance of the information they provide to the public.
Nevertheless
, some museums are not able to support
this
 free
education
 system, as they are not covered well enough, whether
that is
 by poor taxing, or little to no donations ,
thus
, leading to admission fees, that can go up or down depending on the
museum
's money balance. All of
this
,
just
Add a missing verb
is just
show examples
 to have enough currency to keep providing the knowledge they offer without falling off or having very poor facilities.
To conclude
, in a perfect world accessing and acquiring the knowledge that a
museum
 provides should be free,
nonetheless
,
this
 is not possible
due to
 poor funding systems and people's low interest in the
museum
.
Submitted by alonsoddel78 on

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Task Achievement
For Task Achievement, ensure that you address all parts of the prompt; in this case, a more balanced discussion of the advantages and disadvantages, as well as a clear position throughout the essay, is needed. Providing more specific examples will strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
For Coherence and Cohesion, the essay needs more transitional phrases and clear topic sentences for each paragraph. Organizing ideas more clearly and using a range of linking words will enhance readability and structure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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