IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many people in poor countries die from diseases that are curable because they cannot afford the medication required. Do you believe that drug companies should make their products available at reduced prices in these countries?

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Nowadays, numerous
people
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 in developing
countries
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 have a threat of death because of the inability to pay for medication. In my perspective, I firmly suggest drug organisations lower the cost of
medicines
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, so individuals in developing
countries
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 could pay for them.
This
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 essay will mention the reasons
along with
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 examples of why they should minimise the prices of
medicines
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. First and foremost, minimising the cost of
medicines
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 in developing
countries
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 might help science fields.
For instance
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, thousands of
people
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 in poverty conditions who cannot pay for their
medicines
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 could have powerful skills in various things
such
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 as computing to reach an optimum solution. If they could not afford the price of their
medicines
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. It would have unpleasant consequences because of the lack of knowledge and skills.
Additionally
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, the reduction of
medicines
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 prices could
also
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 support humanity.
For example
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, the more
people
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 die
due to
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 the inability to pay for treatment the less generation in the world. which perhaps leads to a catastrophe.
Therefore
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,
this
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 situation should be under consideration , especially in
countries
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 that face a poverty crisis like Nigeria or the south of Sudan.
To sum up
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, the idea of minimising the prices of
medicines
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 is really crucial and it should be quickly implemented as a proactive plan before a serious condition happens. I totally advise organisations to reduce the cost of drugs as a compromise,
thus
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people
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 can afford the payment
as well as
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 the organisation get a profit. These solutions are essential to mitigate the
overall
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 impacts.

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Task Achievement
To enhance the task response score, ensure that all parts of the prompt are thoroughly addressed. While your essay reflects a complete response, providing more detailed examples to support your ideas would yield a more comprehensive answer and improve clarity. Make sure each paragraph offers a clear main idea and supports it with specific, illustrative examples that connect directly back to the prompt.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, aim for a strong, clear logical structure in your essay. While an introduction and conclusion are present, transitions between ideas could be smoother, and sentence structures more varied. This will help with the natural flow of ideas. Consider organizing your main points clearly in separate paragraphs and using a range of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more effectively.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Pharmaceuticals
  • Generic drugs
  • Patent laws
  • Healthcare disparity
  • Subsidies
  • Non-Governmental Organizations (NGOs)
  • Intellectual property
  • Epidemiology
  • Affordability
  • Global health initiatives
  • Corporate social responsibility
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