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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The table shows the obesity rate in one country over a period of time.

The table shows the obesity rate in one country over a period of time.
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The provided line graph illustrates the
obesity
Use synonyms
 rate in a particular country during a specific duration. As a general trend, People aged 24-64 have to be mentioned, with the most significant percentage. At that time, the oldest
individuals
Use synonyms
’ percentage was the same as those of 45-64. In 1971, The age group of 45-64 had a high prevalence of
obesity
Use synonyms
, with around 15.5% of
individuals
Use synonyms
 being affected.
Similarly
Linking Words
, the highest rates of
obesity
Use synonyms
 were observed in
individuals
Use synonyms
 aged 65-74. The prevalence of
obesity
Use synonyms
 in 1999 showed a significant rise, particularly among the elderly population, with approximately 35.0% of
individuals
Use synonyms
 aged 45-64 and those aged 65-74 being affected by
this
Linking Words
 health condition. In 2005, people aged 45-64 experienced another significant increase to 40.0% in
obesity
Use synonyms
. Interestingly, older adults have seen a slight decrease in over.
In contrast
Linking Words
, younger
individuals
Use synonyms
 and those in middle age had lower rates of
obesity
Use synonyms
 compared to the elderly population. In 1971,
individuals
Use synonyms
 aged 30-44 had an
obesity
Use synonyms
 rate of 15.0%.
However
Linking Words
, after three decades, the prevalence of
obesity
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 age group had significantly increased to over 30.0%. In 2005, there was a slight increase again, with approximately 35% of
this
Linking Words
 population affected by
obesity
Use synonyms
.
Finally
Linking Words
, the rate of adolescents, in 1971, with the lowest rated one, was only 8%,
however
Linking Words
, in 1999 rank increasincrediblyble over 20%. In the
last
Linking Words
 year, the rashotted up to almost 30%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words obesity, individuals with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
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