Some people think that students benefit greatly from going to private secondary schools, but others assert that private secondary schools have a negative impact on the young generation and the society alike. Discuss both views.

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Parents
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have different perspectives on education,
such
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as secondary
school
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for their
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
. There is no doubt that to achieve the competencies of a student in secondary
school
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, they should have a personal teacher,
while
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some
parents
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suggest that the children should play
together with
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their friends in the same age group. Personally, I believe that
parents
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should consider private
school
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in secondary
school
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for future education.
Along with
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my opinion,
this
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essay will discuss both views. On the one hand, some
parents
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decide to educate
thier
Correct your spelling
their
children
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
home.
This
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condition
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
study at his or her own pace.
For example
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, the children have a problem with the math topics, and the teacher will explain more about
this
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specific topic only for
this
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child. The teacher can
also
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monitor and evaluate
of
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apply
show examples
the progress of the
stundets
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students
in
the
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apply
show examples
detail. The other reason is
parents
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are not satisfied
which
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with
show examples
local
Correct article usage
the local
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shool
Correct your spelling
school
show examples
which the
limitation of
Replace the word
limited
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facilities for study.
On the other hand
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, the cost of private
schooll
Correct your spelling
school
which more expensive than local
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school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
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.
This
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is one
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
of the
parents
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consider
Wrong verb form
considered
show examples
in the private
school
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. The lack of social skills
are
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is
show examples
the
commen probelm
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common problem
for
this
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,
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however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
the
parents
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anticapates
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anticipates
anticipate
anticipated
this
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with
invite
Wrong verb form
inviting
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some
neighborhood
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neighbours
show examples
to their house to
paly
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play
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together.
For instance
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,
some
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for some
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students who join in
exctracullicular
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extracurriculars
like futsal or baske ball there is
need
Correct article usage
a need
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more
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for more
show examples
people to play together. In conclusion,
while
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some
parents
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feel that private
school
Use synonyms
is better than local
school
Use synonyms
, I contend
the
Change preposition
with the
show examples
opposing viewpoint. Even though past and present circumstances may appear disparate, it is necessary for us to learn and reflect on events in history to progress ourselves towards a better future.
Submitted by nazhif27 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear and logical structure, which makes it difficult to follow your arguments. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that ideas within paragraphs are logically ordered. Use cohesive devices, such as linking words and phrases, to help your ideas flow smoothly from one to the next.
task achievement
While you have attempted to respond to the task, your response is not fully developed. Make sure to discuss both views as the question asks and provide a clear opinion. Additionally, develop each point with more comprehensive explanations and relevant examples to support your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Personalized attention
  • Academic opportunities
  • College admission
  • Scholarship opportunities
  • Social inequality
  • Socioeconomic background
  • Social cohesion
  • Elitism
  • Entitlement
  • Educational standards
  • Teacher-student ratio
  • Public schools
  • Diversity
  • Inclusivity
  • Segregation
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