Some people think that students benefit greatly from going to private secondary schools, but others assert that private secondary schools have a negative impact on the young generation and the society alike. Discuss both views.

Parents
have different perspectives on education,
such
as secondary
school
for their
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
. There is no doubt that to achieve the competencies of a student in secondary
school
, they should have a personal teacher,
while
some
parents
suggest that the children should play
together with
their friends in the same age group. Personally, I believe that
parents
should consider private
school
in secondary
school
for future education.
Along with
my opinion,
this
essay will discuss both views. On the one hand, some
parents
decide to educate
thier
Correct your spelling
their
children
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
home.
This
condition
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
study at his or her own pace.
For example
, the children have a problem with the math topics, and the teacher will explain more about
this
specific topic only for
this
child. The teacher can
also
monitor and evaluate
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the progress of the
stundets
Correct your spelling
students
in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
detail. The other reason is
parents
are not satisfied
which
Correct your spelling
with
show examples
local
Correct article usage
the local
show examples
shool
Correct your spelling
school
show examples
which the
limitation of
Replace the word
limited
show examples
facilities for study.
On the other hand
, the cost of private
schooll
Correct your spelling
school
which more expensive than local
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
.
This
is one
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
of the
parents
consider
Wrong verb form
considered
show examples
in the private
school
. The lack of social skills
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
the
commen probelm
Correct your spelling
common problem
for
this
,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
the
parents
anticapates
Correct your spelling
anticipates
anticipate
anticipated
this
with
invite
Wrong verb form
inviting
show examples
some
neighborhood
Replace the word
neighbours
show examples
to their house to
paly
Correct your spelling
play
show examples
together.
For instance
,
some
Change preposition
for some
show examples
students who join in
exctracullicular
Correct your spelling
extracurriculars
like futsal or baske ball there is
need
Correct article usage
a need
show examples
more
Change preposition
for more
show examples
people to play together. In conclusion,
while
some
parents
feel that private
school
is better than local
school
, I contend
the
Change preposition
with the
show examples
opposing viewpoint. Even though past and present circumstances may appear disparate, it is necessary for us to learn and reflect on events in history to progress ourselves towards a better future.
Submitted by nazhif27 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear and logical structure, which makes it difficult to follow your arguments. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that ideas within paragraphs are logically ordered. Use cohesive devices, such as linking words and phrases, to help your ideas flow smoothly from one to the next.
task achievement
While you have attempted to respond to the task, your response is not fully developed. Make sure to discuss both views as the question asks and provide a clear opinion. Additionally, develop each point with more comprehensive explanations and relevant examples to support your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Personalized attention
  • Academic opportunities
  • College admission
  • Scholarship opportunities
  • Social inequality
  • Socioeconomic background
  • Social cohesion
  • Elitism
  • Entitlement
  • Educational standards
  • Teacher-student ratio
  • Public schools
  • Diversity
  • Inclusivity
  • Segregation
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