IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #risks #lives
There is no denying the fact that professional and life growth is mandatory nowadays.
While
 it is a commonly held belief that taking
risks
 in your personal and career lives has many advantages, there is
also
 an argument that opposes it.
This
 essay will analyse
this
 topic from both points of view and express my opinion. On one hand, taking
risks
 in the professional and personal lives could provide a sense of challenges and improvement.
In other words
, when someone decides to break the familiar boundaries and try to engage in a new unknown situation
this
 will give him invaluable skills like leadership, communication, and decision-making which play a pivotal step in shaping both the career and personal landscape.
In addition
, pushing yourself in every situation could open the door for opportunities that take you to a higher level of success and career advancement.
For example
, an individual who works in a low-paid job takes a risk to run his business and may gain a wealth of experience and improve his living.
On the other hand
, taking
risks
 in your life has a potential drawback that entitles financial failure. It is
also
 possible to say that engaging in dangerous activities without taking into account the possible obstacles, is ultimately conducive to considerable consequences that have a worse effect on your personality
such
 as self-doubt, fear of taking a forward step, or even in the profession.
Moreover
 experiencing financial instability has a negative impact on well-being.
For instance
, when an entrepreneur invested all his money in the stock market which tumbled after that, he complained of some health problems. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
 question. On balance,
however
, I tend to believe that taking
risks
 is a substantial step toward progress and success which contribute to individual fulfillment and professional advancement.
Submitted by dentdent4 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure that both sides of the argument are explored fully. While the introduction is strong and the essay starts with a balanced view, the second argument is cut off and incomplete. Make sure to fully develop all points.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, maintain a clear progression of ideas throughout the essay. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and be expanded with examples or explanations. The abrupt ending to the second paragraph could be improved with further explanation or a transition to the next point.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing to clearly show the relationship between ideas. While the essay has an overall logical structure, the use of these will make the argument more accessible to the reader.
task achievement
The conclusion should succinctly summarize the main points made in the essay without introducing new information. Reinforce your opinion based on the arguments made.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!