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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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Have you ever taken
medicine
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 without your
doctor
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's advice? A vast majority of ill adults are alleged to take self-treatments rather than visit a
doctor
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.
However
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,
this
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 action can be quite dangerous. I, personally find it negative.
People
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 suffering from diverse diseases consume
medicine
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 without their
doctor
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's advice, which may be a positive approach in some aspects.
This
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 is largely
due to
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, Getting an appointment with a
doctor
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 might take plenty of
time
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 , whereby less
time
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 is wasted if ill individuals rely on different medicines at home. You need only look at Canada, to see how much
time
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 it takes for
people
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 to make a
doctor
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's appointment.
Also
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, the cost of visiting
doctors
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 is extensive and individuals can save a lot of money by skipping them and trying different
drugs
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 to cure their
health
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 issues. Just consider thousands of sick
people
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, who have taken alternative
drugs
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 to cure themselves without asking
doctors
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.
On the other hand
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, consuming
drugs
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 without
doctors
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' permission may have many side effects. Each
medicine
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 has its specific function that only professional
people
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such
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 as
doctors
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 are aware of.
For instance
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, some
drugs
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 in spite of being functional are high-risk, which means they are only allowed to be consumed under certain circumstances. What
this
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 often leads to is bringing up more serious
health
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 problems for consumers. In conclusion,
Although
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 taking
medicine
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 without asking experts may save a lot of
time
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 and money, it can create so many
health
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 problems for ordinary
people
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.
Therefore
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 it is vital that ill
people
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 visit their usual
doctor
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 to check their
health
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 and be given proper remedies. I, strongly believe that taking diverse
drugs
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 without
doctors
Use synonyms
' suggestion is a negative development.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, and use clear topic sentences to introduce the paragraphs. Additionally, use a range of cohesive devices to link ideas within and across paragraphs for better logical flow.
task achievement
Address the task by fully answering the question and presenting a clear position throughout the essay. Provide a balanced discussion on both sides of the argument with well-developed ideas and examples to achieve a higher score.
task achievement
Integrate more specific examples to support your arguments, as this will demonstrate the ability to discuss issues with depth and insight. Including real-world examples can strengthen the argument and make your essay more persuasive.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
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