Some think that hosting an international sporting event is beneficial for a country while others disagree (advantages / disadvantages)

#think #event #country

International

events

such

Olympic

Correct article usage

the Olympic

show examples

games,

FIFA

World

cup

Capitalize word

Cup

show examples

and F1 Grand Prix are very popular.

Therefore

, some would argue that international

events

could

bringing

Change the verb form

bring

be bringing

show examples

several advantages to

its

Change the word

the

show examples

host

country

however

Add a comma

however,

show examples

some

are disagree

Change the verb form

disagree

show examples

with that statement.

This

essay will argue despite international

events

are

Wrong verb form

being

show examples

very expensive to

held

Change the form of the verb

hold

show examples

, the benefits outweigh the drawbacks because

Correct pronoun usage

they

show examples

attract a lot of tourism

FIFA

Correct article usage

The FIFA

show examples

World

Cup

2022

that

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

held in

Qatar

last

year

costs

Wrong verb form

cost

show examples

around a whopping 40 billion US

dollar

Fix the agreement mistake

dollars

show examples

. It is because the

Qatar

government must build a massive infrastructure to support

this

event

beside build

Change preposition

besides building

show examples

several behemoth stadiums.

This

infrasturcture

Correct your spelling

infrastructure

ranging

Wrong verb form

ranges

show examples

from public transport to accommodation since there will be many

tourist

Change to a plural noun

tourists

show examples

flooded

Wrong verb form

flooding

show examples

the

country

during the event. Obviously, the public transportation system and accommodation must be upgraded to ensure the

convinience

Correct your spelling

convenience

of supporters during the event.

Moreover

, the total number of workers who

build

Wrong verb form

built

show examples

this

project

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

also

skyrocketed alongside

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the salary expense that

Qatar

Correct article usage

the Qatar

show examples

government should pay to workers. Despite hosting international sporting

events

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

draing some

nation

Replace the word

national

show examples

savings, it could

attrract

Correct your spelling

attract

many international

tourist

Change to a plural noun

tourists

show examples

For example

, more than 2 million people visited

Qatar

last

year to watch

FIFA

World

Cup

2022.

As a result

Qatar

's income

boosted

Add a missing verb

was boosted

show examples

to around 33 billion US

dollar

Fix the agreement mistake

dollars

show examples

, thanks to the tourism sector

that

Correct pronoun usage

which

show examples

receive

Correct subject-verb agreement

receives

show examples

a huge amount of money from

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

tourist

Fix the agreement mistake

tourists

show examples

during

World

Correct article usage

the World

show examples

Cup

Moreover

, by hosting international

events

it will open thousands of job

opportunity

Fix the agreement mistake

opportunities

show examples

in the host

country

As a result

, it will reduce the unemployment rate in that

country

For instance

, based on reports

that

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

released by

Qatar

Correct article usage

the Qatar

show examples

Ministry of Workforce,

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

state that the

number of

Correct quantifier usage

apply

show examples

unemployment rate in

Qatar

drop

Wrong verb form

dropped

show examples

to only around 2% during

FIFA

Correct article usage

the FIFA

show examples

World

Cup

2022. In conclusion, despite

to held

Wrong verb form

holding

show examples

sport

Fix the agreement mistake

sports

show examples

events

are

Wrong verb form

being

show examples

very expensive the advantages outweigh the disadvantages because

Correct pronoun usage

they

show examples

can attract tourism from all

aorund

Correct your spelling

around

the

world

Submitted by rahmanparentio on Wed Jan 24 2024

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that your essay maintains a logical order throughout, and follow a more structured approach with clear paragraphs. Introduce your main points in the introduction and then develop each one in its own paragraph with clear topic sentences for better logical structure.

coherence cohesion

Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to demonstrate your ability to discuss ideas and to connect sentences and paragraphs more smoothly. This will enhance the overall flow of the essay.

task achievement

To improve task achievement, focus on answering the question fully by addressing both the advantages and disadvantages equally. Your essay currently provides an imbalanced view, focusing more on the positive aspects.

task achievement

You could improve the clarity and sophistication of your ideas by exploring each point further and by showing a more nuanced understanding of the topic. Avoid repeating the same idea and rather develop your argument further to demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the issue.

task achievement

Incorporate a greater variety of specific examples to support your points. While you provided some examples related to the FIFA World Cup in Qatar, offering diverse examples from different events or countries can strengthen your argument.

coherence cohesion

Watch out for spelling and grammar mistakes, as well as the correct use of articles and prepositions. Proofreading your work can greatly eliminate such errors and improve the overall quality of your writing.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
46Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

312 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some think that hosting an international sporting event is beneficial for a country while others disagree (advantages / disadvantages)

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor.

You are renting a flat from an agency. Your contract was for one year but you need to leave the flat two months early. Write a letter to the agency. In your letter • introduce yourself • ask to leave the flat before the contract finishes •explain why you need to break the contract.

Some people think it is more important to spend money on road and motorways rather than on public transport systems such as railways and trams.

With the widespread use of the Internet, more people choose to work or study from home. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadaysn teenagers are suffering from a lot of pressure.Write an esay of about 250 words to list the causes of teen pressure and give solutions to overcome?