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Band 5

Today the internet has replaced traditional books as a source of information. Discuss the Advantage & Disadvantage.

#internet #books #source #information #advantage
In
this
 contemporary era, there is an abundance amount of free
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
show examples
 on the
internet
.
Therefore
, nowadays online learning materials on the
internet
 already
subtitute
Correct your spelling
substitute
 conventional books as a
source
 of
information
.
This
 essay will argue that
although
this
phenomeon
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phenomenon
 will significantly
increased
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increase
show examples
 the number of people who suffer from sight
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
, using
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 as a
source
 of
information
 might be the best method to study. Based on research conducted by several UK universities, it has been found that staring at a computer screen for more than 2 hours increases our chances of developing sight issues. The most common eye issue that individuals may suffer because of reading too long on the gadget's screen is
the
Correct article usage
apply
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sore
eyes
.
This
 issue is commonly found
on
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in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people who
addicted
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are addicted
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 to
read
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reading
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 on
the
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apply
show examples
gadget because the gadget's screen
emmiting
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emitting
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
constant illumination to our
eyes
 and
ss
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as
show examples
 a result, our
eyes
 will get watery if we do
this
 constantly
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 more than 2 hours.
For example
, around 60 % of
ophthalmologists patient
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ophthalmologist patients
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 are a bookworm who really like to read
e-book
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e-books
show examples
 on their gadgets.
Internet
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The Internet
show examples
 has proven to be the best platform for study because of its convenience.
That is
 because there are tons of free lesson materials from top-notch
publisher
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publishers
show examples
 on the
internet
.
For instance
,
University
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the University
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 of Glasgow library
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 a website that provides digital books, journals and
article
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articles
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 for free.
Therefore
,
utlizing
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utilising
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 as a
source
 of learning
are
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is
show examples
 very effective because we can get
a comprehensive learning materials
Correct the article-noun agreement
comprehensive learning materials
a comprehensive learning material
show examples
 for free.
Moreover
, you can download
that
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apply
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digital books on your device so you can read
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 anywhere, even when you are on
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 airplane. In conclusion, the drawback of using
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 as a
source
 of
information
 might be the risk of
eyes problem
Fix the agreement mistake
eye problems
show examples
,
while
 the advantage of it is the effectiveness of
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 as a
source
 of
information
.
Submitted by rahmanparentio on

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Introduction
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents the topic and your overall argument. While your introduction does mention the internet replacing books, it could provide a clearer outline of the advantages and disadvantages you plan to discuss.
Cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices and paragraphing to organize your essay. Although you have paragraphed your essay, some of your points could be developed more clearly using linking words such as 'furthermore' or 'in addition' when providing more information on a certain point.
Examples
When providing examples or evidence to support your points, make sure they are relevant and clearly explained. For example, when discussing the convenience of the internet, you could also include the aspect of accessibility to diverse perspectives and opinions, which might not always be available in traditional books.
Task Response
For task response, address all parts of the task with sufficient detail. While you have covered some advantages and disadvantages, considering the depth and breadth of the argument on each side can enrich your response further. Is there a way to mitigate the disadvantages while capitalizing on the advantages, and can this be woven into your argument?

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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