IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Most major cities around the world continue to grow at a phenomenal rate due to the massive increase in population. This has led to a general decline in the quality of life in city areas as the environment becomes more crowded and polluted. Give some reasons why this growth has occurred and suggest some practical solutions to this problem.

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Nowadays, there is more and more significant increase in
population
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 as most major cities worldwide keep on growing at a dramatic rate.
As a result
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, the quality of life in
city
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 areas decreases as the environment becomes very awful, more crowded and polluted.
This
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 essay will outline some
reasons
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 why
this
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 growth has occurred and recommend how to solve the problem by giving some practical solutions. The increase in
population
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 can happen because of some
reasons
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.
Firstly
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, there may be internal
reasons
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 from the
city
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 itself,
such
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 as an uncontrolled birth rate. A real example I saw in
this
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 era is
people
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 who have a relationship and want to have a child before marriage,
although
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 it is a simple thing, but has a great impact on the
population
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.
Secondly
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, I think,
this
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 problem may have occurred
due to
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 external
reasons
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 too,
such
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 as immigration. When large groups of
people
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 migrate from one
city
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 to another
city
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, it has
direct
Add an article
a direct
show examples
 impact, first to the
city
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 that becomes overpopulated and second to the society that becomes polluted.
Therefore
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, there are some practical solutions that we can do to manage these issues.
For example
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, the government could offer options to
people
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 who want to move from an overpopulated
city
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 to another
city
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. The option can be varied, either giving daily allowance for the first three months or providing jobs.
Furthermore
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, the government can improve the infrastructure to be better,
therefore
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people
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 would prefer going with public transportation and
this
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 will solve the environmental issue. In conclusion, there are several impacts that we can see from the unpredicted growth of the
population
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,
thus
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 we need to address
this
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 by doing some of the practical solutions that are given above.

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on creating a more logical flow between ideas. Use a range of cohesive devices and paragraphing effectively to clarify the relationship between concepts.
coherence cohesion
While the main points are supported, they could be developed more fully. Incorporate more detailed and varied supporting sentences that expand on the main points for a stronger argument.
task achievement
Ensure that your essay fully addresses all parts of the task. Develop your ideas thoroughly and make sure that your response covers the reasons for city growth as well as suggesting practical solutions.
task achievement
Work on presenting clearer and more comprehensive ideas. Aim for depth in your arguments, using a combination of general statements and specific details or examples where appropriate to illustrate your points effectively.
task achievement
Relevant examples are crucial for a high score in task achievement. Ensure that the examples you provide are specific and clearly linked to your main points. Add real-world evidence or hypothetical scenarios to strengthen your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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