IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parent and teacher be allowed to use to teach good behavior to children?

Some people say that it is necessary for young kids to learn the difference between good and bad
things
Use synonyms
 at a young age. They think
punishment
Use synonyms
 is required to help
children
Use synonyms
 to learn good
behaviour
Use synonyms
. I personally believe that good
appreciation
Use synonyms
 is a better
punishment
Use synonyms
 to encourage kids to do well . In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will explain both sides by taking some examples from newspapers and journals.
To begin
Linking Words
 with , Good
behaviour
Use synonyms
 among
children
Use synonyms
 plays a vital role in reflecting their personality. a good
appreciation
Use synonyms
 for
children
Use synonyms
's work would eventually help them to do the right
things
Use synonyms
 in future.
In addition
Linking Words
,
Teachers
Use synonyms
 should reward
children
Use synonyms
 for their good work that
appreciation
Use synonyms
 will affect their peers for learning good
things
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
 , a survey done by the New York Times revealed that 80% of
children
Use synonyms
 get rewarded for their good
behaviour
Use synonyms
 and way of living in Japan.
As a result
Linking Words
 , the Crime rate is much lower in Japan and
this
Linking Words
 country holds the world's top economy too.
Children
Use synonyms
 are the future of a nation.
Secondly
Linking Words
 , The matter of the fact punishing
children
Use synonyms
 physically to learn good
behaviour
Use synonyms
 leads them to stress anxiety and depression .Most importantly ,
children
Use synonyms
 will lose interest in studies if physically abused by their
teachers
Use synonyms
 even though they start hiding
things
Use synonyms
 from their parents as well. I believe young kids should scared of parents and
teachers
Use synonyms
 if they are doing something wrong.
For example
Linking Words
 Methods of
punishment
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as not allowing them to watch their favorite TV show and telling them to stay away from the screen for days rather than physically abusing them.
Finally
Linking Words
 ,
appreciation
Use synonyms
 and encouraging them to learn good
things
Use synonyms
 in life is the best way to teach them.
Punishment
Use synonyms
 methods
Linking Words
such
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
could lead to discourage them . So I strongly believe that good support from parents and
teachers
Use synonyms
 would potentially help them to do well in their lives rather than abusing them physically.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction & Thesis
Make sure your introduction clearly presents the topic and your opinion. Provide a clear thesis statement that exhibits your view.
Paragraph Structure
Organize your essay logically with clear paragraphs, each beginning with a topic sentence that summarizes the paragraph's main idea.
Supporting Examples
Develop your main points with specific examples and explanations. Use data, anecdotes, or hypothetical situations to support your claims more effectively.
Cohesive Devices
Connect ideas with cohesive devices (e.g., furthermore, however, for instance) and use them appropriately to signal the relationship between sentences and paragraphs.
Sentence Structure
Work on varying your sentence structure to add interest and complexity, and to demonstrate a wider range of grammar.
Punctuation & Grammar
Pay attention to punctuation and avoid run-on sentences. Each sentence should be grammatically self-contained and not overly lengthy.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • moral development
  • positive reinforcement
  • negative reinforcement
  • disciplinary methods
  • behavioral psychology
  • natural consequences
  • physical punishment
  • psychological impacts
  • consistent rules
  • privileges
  • parenting strategies
  • educational approaches
  • ethical upbringing
  • moral compass
  • child-rearing practices
What to do next:
Look at other essays: